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I first encountered Bratz Kidz many moons ago, when my female companion and I did our late night loitering routine at Wally World (that's Wal-Mart for those of you not up with the hip lingo.) We had a shared affinity for checking out the dolls, goggling at the Barbies, critiquing them based on their dress and overall manner, and cracking jokes on the baby dolls that either happened to be really ugly or just out right creepy. Seriously, some dolls belong in a Stephen King movie, not on children's aisle shelves. And so it was that my late-night partner-in-crime exclaimed, "OH MY GOD! You've got to come look at this!"

To my surprise, it was a cardboard baby riding a plastic banana inside of a clear box that read "Bratz Babyz! Sweet Seat." We were both quite in utter disbelief: The little blond darling had one hand up in the air, her legs spread with the other hand resting snugly between her inner thighs, on top of this half peeled banana. And what was this? A bit of the peeling still resided at the tip of the exposed fruit; this "Sweet Seat" was very allusive to a man's genitalia.

The full sized Bratz Dolls I've never really had a problem with. Sure their style of dress teetered on the side of a bimbo, copycatting Paris Hilton with their dog-in-a-hand-bag slung over their shoulder, and their giant heads being very disproportionate to their bodies compared to even the zaniest of Japanese characters, but my word, they never displayed them in a manner such as these Bratz Babyz. Comparatively, the older counterparts are quite conservative. At least the Babyz line had one thing going for them: given their small stature, their heads definitely sat more proportionate on their neck.

So who was this product for? Certainly not for kids. These dolls and their accessories had to be for adults. They resembled too much the Japanese fetish dolls collectible statues based on popular animated women from pornographic shows and PC dating games, that grown men have been known to idolize and even, to put it moderately, let loose on (don't believe me? Look it up on Google.) And who is responsible? With their skimpily clad bodies and sexually provocative poses, I half expect the same offenders behind the controversial, now defunct, Non-Nude child model sites to be behind this phenomenon.

No, Bratz Babyz are more up the alley of porn tycoons and child molesters. Certainly, never would I suggest its consumption by children. I'd sooner give a Kewpie doll to a child than that. And maybe I'm over-reacting. The Chuck Jones Looney-Tunes were very much ridden with innunendos, such as his classic grownup version of Little Red Riding hood, with her low-cut dress and affinity for showing some skin. However, come to think of it, Chuck admitted his cartoons were made mostly for his own laughs, and it's quite well known that most early animation was made to entertain the older crowd. These toys, these Bratz, on the other hand are explicitly marketed towards children. Mortifying, isn't it?

In the end, my female companion and I found it all so very funny. I'm sorry, but we couldn't help but laugh. However, we did fearfully acknowledge the lingering question of, "how will these toy's young owners turn out?" Only time will tell.

Learn more about this author, Jason Payne.
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