by Angie Lewis

Created on: December 20, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Are you married to an alcoholic? Is your husband/wife a different person when they drink? Are you tired of the Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde Behavior? Are you at your wits end and just can't take it anymore? What can you do? Here are seven steps to help them get sober.

1. Stop Trying To Get Your Spouse To Stop Drinking.

No matter how much you nag and complain at them to stop drinking, it is not going to do a bit of good. What will is taking care of YOU! I know, it sounds backwards, but when you're emotionally stressed out, it will be more difficult to help your loved one. You have no verbal power over the alcoholic. What you do have control over is your actions. What you do and say to the alcoholic will have a direct affect on whether or not they will continue drinking or not.

2. Detach With Love.

Be loving and supportive of the person you married, not the alcoholic. Don't take any of the emotional garbage they dish out while drinking. Have you noticed how when your spouse drinks they start to berate you and want to start arguments? Don't argue or fight back. Let them know you will not argue with them while they are drinking, period.

Above all, never allow the alcoholic to trespass against your spirit when they are playing one of their mind games. Walk away and close the door behind you. Go visit a friend, take a walk around the block, or put some ear plugs in your ears. Your mental health is what helps the alcoholic the most. This is what detaching with love is all about. Detaching yourself from the disease is what helps the alcoholic see that he needs help.

3. Set Boundaries For You

Did you know that the person who takes the verbal abuse of an alcoholic is sometimes just as mentally and emotionally sick as the alcoholic? This is why it is absolutely necessary, especially for spouses of alcoholics, to set boundaries for themselves while the alcoholic is drinking.

Don't allow their roller coaster emotions to affect you. At least do not let them see that they are affecting you. The alcoholic wants to get a reaction out of you, don't give them that satisfaction. When they are drinking, treat them like a stranger. Remember, you love the person you married, but you do not love the disease. Don't be nice to the disease but love the person. Do you understand?

4. Do Not Enable The Alcoholic

Don't help the alcoholic by enabling their addictive behavior. Don't help them to bed. Don't let them drive while drinking. Do not let them argue, fuss or fight with you while they are drinking.

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