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"Sticks and Stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." Who the "psychologist" was that came up with this phrase, I do not know. As a result of the many days of dejection from multiple verbal attacks by tormenting fellow classmates, the above phrase must have been started as a verbal barricade.

It was a barricade to protect the torn down feelings of the youngster that experienced the verbal beat down. But did it work? Or was it just a facade to conceal the torn emotions that ran deep in the veins?

No matter how hard an individuals exterior may appear and no matter how good a person is able to conceal his emotions, even the hardest of persons experience pain because of words.

It may start in a person's childhood. A child does something wrong and "you are just "always" messing up" comes from his parent's mouth. Or, a father blurts out to his son "you will never amount to anything," after the son brings home a bad grade on a report card.

Words like "always" and "never" usually exaggerate the facts. Little room is left for the child to keep his dignity. Such language is judgemental, and a child may begin to see himself as a total failure. Little heads are hung low and the dejection is not only felt from schoolmates, but is now being created by the closest ones to him, his family.

That child has to grow up, having learned a behavior that has basically been etched into his mind. He or she may seek close relationships with others, and sooner or later, the negative talk starts.

Take this scenario for example. The young man mentioned earlier grows up to become a husband. He and his wife have a date at a specific time. She takes a bit too long dressing. The husband is waiting in the car, looking at his watch. Out she comes, happy, with a bright smile on her face. He rudely blurts out, "You are always late. You can never get anywhere on time."

His wife runs into the house dejected and crying. What has just happened? His choice of words and the way he said it hurt her feelings. Now in order to get where they are going period, he must come up with a way to calm her down by apologizing. He has caused more time to lapse by being rude and not thinking about how his choice of words would affect her feelings.

A times we may even began to harden our feelings and emotions because of how we have been talked down upon in the past. We may lash out at others for the pain that we have experienced. This causes friction when positive communication is vital.

We tell ourselves that "sticks and stones may break my bones but word can never hurt me." We may even pass this on to our children, but in actuality, we know this is just a way to try and shield ourselves from the pain that was felt, when the words that were said jolted us like voltage. Words effect a person for the rest of his life. Because unlike the bruises and breaks that can be caused by sticks and stones, words leave scars and open wounds. These wounds are torn open repeatedly by the accuser, not allowing the recipient of the words the time to heal.

Speaking in a respectful manner at times requires effort on our part. Sometimes even choosing the right words to say can be a challenge. The negative word we witnessed growing up as children can affect our dealings with others as adults. The peace that can be kept and the feelings that can be spared are worth the effort.

Wise King Solomon said "There exists the one speaking thoughtlessly as with the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise ones is a healing. How true those words are.

Learn more about this author, Felicia Jeffries.
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