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seems unhappy about your doing so. Giving in will only breed resentment. Accept that sometimes you won't be able to please everyone, and know that a loving, supportive spouse will eventually come around to the idea.

If you take time out for yourself and leave your spouse in charge of the kids and the house, he will likely learn to empathize with your need to be alone. Don't be hard on him if you come home to find things aren't done the way you would do them. As long as the kids are alive and well, don't worry if they are sleeping in their school clothes, or eating candy instead of fruit. Again, you and your spouse are co-workers. Your spouse is not your boss and you are not his. Praise his efforts and show him that you respect his decisions. Even if you suspect he could do better and believe that, "his way", might be an attempt to discourage you from taking time for yourself, resist the urge to be critical of him. Make it known that if, he thinks that the kids can stay up late when he is in charge, you are okay with that, as long as you get your time out.

When you do take your "mom time" out, be sure to do something just for yourself. Spending time with friends can be a good outlet, but sometimes you need to be completely alone. If you find your spouse "counting" outings with friends as your alone time, explain to him that, while maintaining these relationships is a critical part of being a good wife and mother, it can not be a substitute for the alone time you need for yourself.

Because a mom's time is at a premium, try to find moments throughout your day or week, when alone time is possible.

*Ask your spouse or partner to take over the bed time or the morning routine, to allow you to take a hot bath or to steal an extra hour of sleep.

*Arrange for another mother to watch your child at her activities. Go and get your nails done or grab a coffee at your local cafe for an hour, instead of sitting in the waiting room and paying bills. Offer to return the favor and you might be able to make this a bi-weekly habit.

*Let Dad take his son to a birthday party or play-date at the park. Assure yourself that your child needs to spend time with your spouse as much as he needs to spend time with his mother. Stay home and watch a dvd you have been wanting to see, or a show you've taped. Turn off the phone and resist the urge to fold laundry.

*Find a reliable sitter to come and spend a few hours a week at your home while you go out to window shop. Hire someone who can handle chores and children. Pay this person to avoid feeling emotionally in debt. A family member, like your mother or mother-in-law, may be judgmental and may try to make you feel guiltier than you already feel.

*Schedule "your" time as part of your routine. Spouses and children, and people for that matter, respond well to routines. If you take a walk every night after dinner by yourself, your husband and kids will come to expect this activity as a normal part of their day, and they will be less likely to fuss about it. Don't be rigid. There are times that you will need to forgo your routine, but view your time as an important commitment. Just as you commit to taking your son to soccer at a given time, commit to a time that is yours alone, and treat that commitment as a priority, just as you would treat any other commitment that you would make to any other person. Remember that in order to be good to others, you have to be good to yourself.

Learn more about this author, Laurie Feldman.
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