51 of 73

Write now Article Tools

Mommyguilt.

It's 3 o'clock a.m., the morning of my due date, and I'm having contractions. I'm afraid to wake my husband because the week before, I woke him and made him drive me to the hospital only to find out I was having false labor. So, on this particular early morning, I decided to do everything I was supposed to do. Each contraction would be timed to the second, I would determine if they were increasing in intensity or not. I'd take a bath, try to sleep, do all the things my little labor pamphlet told me to do. Well, the only conclusion I was able to come to was that timing contractions was way too difficult and I don't think anyone can do it with any accuracy.

When I finally called my OB, she naturally asked me how far apart my contractions were. I quickly glanced at my pamphlet. "Five minutes," I said, faking a few heavy breaths. She told me to come to the hospital.

Now I'm rethinking everything. Why did I just do that? I outright lied to my OB for no reason. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want to wake my husband for no reason.

I did, though, and at 8:32 a.m., little Audrey Quinn was born.

So, in retrospect, why was I questioning myself so much? I knew from the very first "real" contraction that I was in labor. My intuition told me it was time. I just refused to consciously listen to it. Instead, my instinct took over. Deep down, I did the right thing. Had I woken my doctor in the middle of the night just to tell her "I had a feeling," she would have never given me the go-ahead. Actually, she would have been pretty annoyed.

The point of this story? Women don't listen to themselves. Instead, we worry so much about what others think, that we will do everything we can to put their needs ahead of our own. We do it with husbands (like I did with mine), we do it with employers, we do it with our aging parents, and we especially do it with our children.

You know when you need a break. Whether you have one or seventeen, crying babies are stressful.

That night in the hospital my husband and I were exhausted, and Audrey was waking every hour, on the hour. By the third or fourth wake up call, we wanted to die. My husband suggested taking her to the nursery. I agreed. A few peaceful hours passed and, guess what? I couldn't sleep. I felt a huge cloud of guilt for, how I perceived it, getting rid of her. The nursery wasn't responsible for my baby. Is this the kind of mother I was going to be? Lazy? Uncaring? Selfish? Not me. I marched (waddled) right to the

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about Taking "mommy time" without feeling guilty?
We want to hear your view. Write now!