by Andrew Planter

Created on: August 31, 2006   Last Updated: May 13, 2007

Its only a virtual fling, nothing serious..

Or so we tell ourselves, and others. But if you know anything about life, you'll know that thoughts create reality, or to put it another way, where our attention goes our energy follows, and if we keep it up for long enough so will our body.

And the damage? On some inner level our partner will know all is not right. Feeling, intuition, call it what you will, the message gets through, even if we deny it, sometimes especially if we deny it. What is damaged is trust, what is damaged is our relationship, the delicate web of energetic strands that tie us to another, and it takes time and effort to mend, if it can be mended.

So why is it that a virtual fling can have as much impact as a physical affair? It's because the mind doesn't know the difference between the imagined and the physical. Athletes have proved this by visualizing themselves winning a race. Scientists found their muscles respond to the visualization in exactly the same way as if they were actually out on the track. If in our virtual reality we're flirting.. or more, our body is right in there doing it too, responding just as if it were happening.

The moral is that if we want an honest and loving relationship, we need to make a conscious decision to shift our focus, to put our energy where we really want it and keep it there.

I have to add something here. Obviously we're human, and we have thoughts and feelings and urges, and if we keep them too tightly controlled and allow them no expression at all they will burst out sooner or later, just like a pressure cooker with no safety valve. We need that safety valve, a way to express ourselves and release those bottled up feelings in a controlled, harmless way. A virtual fling is risky because it is virtual. We're only talking to a screen, which tricks us into thinking we can get away with anything.

If we want to flirt, do it in public, while we're with our partner, with their knowledge of our intentions, and the consequences will be much more immediate and obvious, and more likely to be helpful than damaging.

Learn more about this author, Andrew Planter.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.