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Picture a girl, 5' 9" and only 108 pounds. Picture her staggering into her probation office for reporting. She sits wild eyed in the chair across from the desk, with dried blood under her nose, hair stringy and unwashed, clothes wrinkled and dirty. Then, when asked what's going on, no matter how hard she tries to keep it in a flood of tears and sobs comes out. After the inevitable drug test has been failed she signs a sanction of probation form to send her for 6 months to a program located in the County Jail. For the first two weeks she sleeps, thanks to a heavy does of medications it's all fuzzy now. She is issued an orange jump suite and black combat boots. She is scared and introverted, she feels alone. She goes to classes a few times a day after a hard five hours of cutting tress, feeding them to the wood chipper, picking up trash, and mowing the graveyards. After her first trash day and a run in with a 4 foot long black snake, multiple rats, dirt in her mouth while she eats her peanut butter sandwich, she collapses until 15 min later she is called by last name over a loud speaker. It seems that every time she finally gets some rest they call her name and wake her. This was me in June of 2005. I was a drug addict, spending cash advances on my credit card and hanging out with dangerous crowds, being promiscuous and irresponsible. Losing jobs left and right as well as weight, and it got me nowhere but jail. Lucky for me I was a first time offender and they gave me probation instead of Jail time, but that didn't matter to me. All that mattered was forgetting. I wanted to forget my life, forget that I was raped when I was only 13 and my whole family had left me alone to go be with my older sister in the hospital while she birthed her first child. I wanted to forget that no one respected me so I ran away from home, putting my first love in jail. I wanted to forget all the drug abuse, all the men I had been with, so I did another line and laid back waiting for it to all disappear. I dug myself into a hole, and now I had to climb my way out in the mud and rain. I began self reevaluation while in Jail, not for myself at first, for the man who had so eagerly agreed to wait for me. I barely knew him, yet I felt like I had know him all my life and couldn't breathe without him. I retained all that I could from my classes, I did packets and work books, read self help books on boundaries and drug abuse, asked for additional counseling to help me cope with my past issues

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