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Sadly I know I am the black sheep of my family, never wanting that distinction it just attached itself to me. When I was young and until I was a junior in high school, I was my mother's favorite, I knew it and so did my brothers and sisters. Not only did they know that I was my mothers favorite, my mother was so blatant about showing her favoritism toward me. My brothers and sisters harbored great resentment toward me, and they still do. I do not blame them one bit, though it does hurt me.

When I was eleven my father left our family, my mom was left to raise six children on her own. She had not worked since she was a teenager. She was thrown into having to work two jobs, and I was taken out of school 3 days a week to watch my brothers and sisters. My brothers and sisters ranged in age from 4 month to 9 years old. I cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, and made sure my brothers and sisters got off to school, did their home work and anything else that came up.

When I was 13, my mom married and I was allowed to be a regular teenager. I tried out for cheerleader and got to go to school on a regular basis. The wall began to build, my mom would bring special things home for me, and leave out my siblings. The wall began to get ever higher. At 15, I got a job and became very independent. Now the wall started to build between my mom and I, the wall was already there between my siblings and me.

My siblings became very close to one another, and I was on the outside, the animosity that was building because my mom was still buying me things, neglecting the needs of my brothers and sisters. Because of this and many other reasons I was not a part of my siblings group, I was on the outside looking in. My mom got angry when I told her to spend the money on my sisters and brothers because I had a job and they needed things. That sparked a long period of angry silenced between my mother and me.

Instead of my mother buying things for my siblings, she would buy herself clothes and model them in front of everyone. I got very angry. I could not understand why or how she could act that way.

The summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I was getting it from both sides, my siblings angry with me and locking me out of their ever tight, close-knit group; my mom and I not speaking because I had told her how I felt about the way she was acting toward my siblings. She took this as an insult, I had told her she was being very selfish and she was offended.

At seventeen, I moved out. Living with a good friend and her family, I did not invite my mom to my graduation, though I saw her there, I did not see her or anyone in my family for almost a year. That is how it has been since I was seventeen, and it has only gotten worse with time. My mom and I do not speak at all and I have little interaction with my brothers and sisters. I see how other families function and am sadden when I think of my own situation.

I crave the closeness that I have missed. I miss having a sister or brother that I can share things. The wounds are to deep and I am not sure they will ever go away. That goes for both my siblings and my mother.

Learn more about this author, Mary Tyrer.
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