5 of 9

Write now Article Tools

Presidential debates are won through lies, passing the buck, blaming the past administration and citing loads of statistics. Don't ever let the truth get in the way, unless of course, it is a negative truth about your opponent.

1) You must look good on camera. See, that is a lie. Richard Nixon got the top job twice. Not because he was good looking-but because Hubert Humphrey and George McGovern were uglier than Nixon. So you don't have to look good, but your opponent must look worse. Case in point, Dan Quayle, the good looking senator cum vice president from Indiana was a better pin up than Senator Lloyd Benson. Brains do not come into it. The point is proven again as Bill Clinton ousted George Bush Sr.. Pray the other party puts up Neanderthal man and your half way home.

2) Say you are willing to accept full responsibility for your actions, but don't mean it. Surround yourself with fall guys so if anything goes wrong you can fire them and state that you took the tough decision to keep your campaign clean. That will show what a tough leader you are. Talk tough, fire people and bang your fist on the podium, alot. If you are going to have your finger on THE button, portray yourself as someone who would not take the decision lightly, but would not hesitate to protect American citizens.

3) Keep repeating what a shambles America is in because of the current administration. Blame them for crime, unemployment, terrorism, discrimination, health care, high taxes and too much reality TV. If you are challenged that you, as a Senator, voted for some of their policies, claim that the paper document and implementation of policy did not match up. State something like "It looked good on paper but in reality this administration could not organize a booze up in a brewery".

4) Figures don't lie, but liars do figure. Do calculations in your favor. Scenario: The unemployment in America is currently 4.7%, up 0.8% from the previous month. The population of America is roughly 300 million. The current administration has 12 months left in office. Based on the figures, one could calculate that if employment continues at the current rate, in twelve months time the unemployment rate could be 14.3% (12 x 0.8% =9.6% + the original 4.7% = 14.3%). Now 14.3% doesn't mean much to the 6th grade educated hillbilly. But of the 300 million population that means 42.9 million people will be out of work within the next year. With tolerances and unknown factors added in, you could announce "Under the current administration, unemployment is set to rise to up to 50 million Americans being out of work!" BANG, BANG on the podium. "My fellow Americans, I will change this". BANG, BANG. That works out at 16.6% nearly 17%, almost 20%, nearly 1 in 5 Americans will be out of work before this President leaves office.

5) "Truth! You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth!". Truth, as beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. If you want to win a presidential debate, stay away from the truth. "I did not have sex with that woman". Find a loophole as to what determines what sex is. Have your own idea of what sex may be, and then deny, deny, deny. But if your opponent has an indiscretion of any sort, exploit it. "He says he tried marijuana, but didn't inhale. He says he snorted cocaine but then had a sneezing fit and it didn't stay in the nostril. He has attempted to use drugs, but couldn't see it through to the finale. Ladies and gentleman- I have never used drugs. But if I did, I would have seen it through to the finish. I would have inhaled. And if I have to push THE button, I will!".

If all the above doesn't work, offer $1 per vote. The most it can cost is, say $100 million. Cheaper than a campaign.

Learn more about this author, Travis Casey.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Satire: How to win a presidential debate?
We want to hear your view. Write now!