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BLUE SANTA

Whether depression is short term or long term, whether it is situation-based of chemically-based, it is a personal hell. The victim believes that there is nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to, and that, no matter what s/he does, life will continue to be miserable forever. It is excruciatingly difficult for a depressed person to reach out, to accomplish even simple everyday tasks, or to make decisions, let alone carry them out.

Personal presence is the most therapeutic gift we can offer. That can be difficult. The person may not appear glad to see us, or even encourage us to leave. We can be drawn into futile efforts to cheer the person up, to argue that things are not as bad as they seem, and to inadvertently communicate that they are not meeting your expectations. We may even be sucked into the depressions vortex, and go home feeling terrible. Frequent short calls or visits may be better than a single extended one.

When we send the messages DON'T FEEL THAT WAY, DON'T THINK THAT WAY, DON'T BE THAT WAY, we are undermining what little self-esteem the depressed person has left. If we put ourselves into a one-up position and play the role of rescuer, we are pushing the depressed person further down. It is best to treat the person as someone with hidden strengths who is undergoing a temporary set-back, rather than a delicate porcelain flower which could shatter at any moment. There is nothing to be gained by saying "I'm here for you if you need me." We have to show them.

If depression is causing financial distress from medical bills and lost work days, it makes sense to get an inexpensive cheer-up gift (even a stuffed toy from a garage sale!) and team it with something practical. We can an overdue bill, tuck a grocery gift card or a phone card into a humorous greeting card, or cook a batch of stew for re-heating. Maid service, cleaning help, laundry, decluttering, pet care, transportation and errand running can all be helpful for easing the despair.

Think of what the person used to enjoy doing before depression hit, and find ways of encouraging her to re-visit it. Take her for a drive to a favorite hang-out. Go walking together exercise can be amazingly therapeutic. Invite her to join you in a low-stress volunteer activity. Take her to a spa for a pampering session. Ask her to come over and help you make cookies, and give her some to take home. Sing or make music with her. Share your problems with her she might get so involved in helping you that

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