Armand woke up. It was past three in the afternoon. His room seemed more cluttered and messed up than his sordid state last night. He stayed up until the closing time inside a local pub to dampen his confused emotions. He ended his 5-year relationship with Emily earlier. And he knew she was in pain.

"I hope you realize what a total jerk you are Armand! You will not hear from me again and may you be happy with your decision. I hope you find what you are looking for!"

This was the recurring voice message that Armand kept playing all over again.

His room did not help him to forget. The comforting blinds and the loud playing stereo to hide their intimacy. His scattered clothes and the collecting dust on the floor that warrant Emily's expected outburst if she sees them the next day. Trinkets, small things, and posters that were either given to him by her, or were purchased by him when they were in the best and worst of times. And his old pair of black sneakers which were a birthday gift two years ago.

"Why am I so affected? Prior to her, I have had 3 relationships before. Why can't I stop thinking about her? Perhaps she was the longest I ever had? Do I still have feelings for her?"

Armand kept playing with his mind as he struggled to get out of bed. The playful breeze seemed to carry his loose thoughts in and out of the window.

The liquor seemed to subside now yet Emily's presence still lingered. Countless times, he checked his phone for messages just as many as he did with his mobile phone. And this was only half a day after their break up.

He tried to stand up. Slowly and awkwardly, he went towards the small side table and grabbed the crumpled pack of cigarettes. He lit up one as he opened the blinds. His mind still wandered with questions. His head seemed to swell due to his drunk state.

He knew it was gone. He couldn't lie to her, to himself, to themselves. Making love wasn't that special and enticing anymore. They have had frequent fights from the smallest of things to the grandeur of life. He definitely wasn't happy. So was she. He thinks.

Yet why does she still matter? Why did he long to hear from her or rare to call her to know if she's all right? He wouldn't have any apprehensions to call her if they parted amicably.

His eyes scanned his room. His two white closet doors were misaligned. Some wall paint near his door needs to have a fresh coat on. His ceiling light is getting dimmer. Then he saw the small wooden cabinet they purchased from a garage sale once.

He opened the top drawer and began rummaging through inside. Concert tickets, movie tickets, restaurant bills, letters, and just about every memento of times spent with Emily. Armand sighed heavily. This could be a longer process than he expected. His sight caught a crumpled yellow stationary in the right corner. He opened it. Slowly.

"Love is not being with you all the time but loving you all the time wherever you are. -Emily-"

He wanted to smack his head hard or even hurl himself to an asphalt road. He never loved her as much as she did. And he had the nerve and tenacity to let her go. It was too late and the reality sinked in more painful than their break-up.

Learn more about this author, Kevram.
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