Visiting with my twenty-one year old daughter the other day, I was reminded of how much simpler life was when I knew everything. Now fifty-five and living on Social Security disability, I am reminded daily of the problems associated with an invisible disability. Even my doctor couldn't understand initially. No disability card because of this, meaning there are many places I can't go as I am unable to walk far enough.

To start, my disabled condition is a conglomerate of problems: spastic dysphonia, a speech disorder suffered by one in 500,000, causing quaking of the vocal chords and inability to communicate accurately verbally, fibromyalgia and spinal spondylosis, have had a spinal fusion which only worked for about four months', still unable to walk on uneven terrains or long distances, bipolar disease and agoraphobia, which means practically that my house is a prison except for times I can get assistance.

I can't count the number of times I've been speaking with friends or at least friendly compadres who tell me they have backaches, too, but they still work, or if I would just try harder and believe, Christ would remove the bipolar and agoraphobia at least, I must not be believing since I still have it.

At one point in the last year, my leg gave out in the parking lot behind my doctor's, and I waited three hours to get help. Now I carry a cell phone and my significant other has rescued me more times than a few.

How to cope with this new reality? I believe the first step is mourning the loss of whatever abilities or functions you have lost. Find a support group if one is available in your area; talk to your librarian or pastor about the possibility of starting one if none is about.

Run, don't walk, away from well-meaning but belittling individuals! I know this can be difficult, as many of us have family members or friends who fit this description. Find a time where neither of you are pressured for time, and instigate a discussion of what you have to deal with, and how you feel when others belittle your problems. Be gentle but firm; it's hard for others to know how to respond to the changed "us". I do believe though that after a frank discussion of what you deal with, and perhaps how they could help, if nothing changes at least go into necessary contacts with a like disabled individual or a supportive friend or family member.

The above applies to how you need to treat the new "you". Self-pity is like quicksand for us; avoid it at all costs! If you wake up in a blue funk that you're unable to scare away, give yourself a time limit. ie "For fifteen minutes I will think of nothing but all my problems and weaknesses. No positive thoughts allowed!" Then call a friend, put on an uplifting CD, do something, anything that will take you out of yourself! Again: be gentle but firm. You'[ve always had good days and bad days! Because we're disbled is no reason to think life will only rain cotton candy!

Watch for other disabled individuals when you go out. Smile and greet wheelchair bound people, when whoever you're with points out "healthy" people with disabled tags, use it as an educational opportunity and remind them of "invisible" disabilities.

In conclusion, life will be different when you're living with an invisible disability, but that doesn't mean it can't continue to be rich and satisfying, showing you glimpses of universal struggles as we cope with what we've lost. After all, however much you've lost, there's still an abundance of what's left to enjoy! Godspeed as you stumble along that cluttered road to happiness!

Learn more about this author, Janice Howard.
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