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As a mother, your guilt began before your child was born. If you decided not to have natural childbirth, you felt guilty about the drugs that would affect your unborn child. If you decided not to nurse, you felt guilty that your child would not be getting the natural immunities inherent in mother's milk. Unfortunately, your feelings of guilt were not over.

When my husband and I decided to get pregnant, I was 30 years old and ready to settle down and start a family. I felt guilty for not choosing natural childbirth, but I felt good about choosing to nurse. I truly enjoyed the quiet and fulfilling time with my baby daughter; but I felt guilty about neglecting my husband and household duties. By the fifth month, I was climbing the walls. I hadn't been outside since I gave birth! I was tired, cranky and claustrophobic; but I couldn't stop nursing because my doctor told me my daughter needed all the natural immunities from mother's milk. The more anxious and nervous I became, the more my daughter cried.

When I finally broke down in tears and called my doctor, he said, "Just nurse her at night and give her formula during the day. Ask your mother to come by and you take a break and get out of the house."

Really? I can do that? Why didn't you tell me before?

I immediately called my mother, who was more than happy to help. She showed up with baby formula and a big smile, and I went shopping. I felt guilty leaving my baby, but within a day or two, I and my milk were back to normal, and my daughter was happy. When my doctor told me that my milk had soured because I was nervous, I felt guilty about being nervous.

As mothers, we feel we have to do it all. But, doing it all can affect our health, not to mention our sanity. Mothers need to stop feeling guilty about neglecting their family or household chores; and instead, start delegating some of those duties to other members of the family. It's important to take a break once in a while even one hour away from the daily tasks of nursing/feeding, changing diapers, washing clothes and cleaning house can be invigorating. There's no reason why other family members can't change diapers or move a vacuum over the rug, while mom takes a warm bath or goes for a walk. If there are siblings, they should be involved, too. Let brother or sister give baby a bottle, while you read a magazine or watch television.

It's important for babies to bond with their father and siblings, as well as their mother. You should try to schedule a Saturday or Sunday for dad to bond with baby and siblings and take over your duties, while you go to the mall or visit a friend. It may be difficult, but ask him to give up Saturday golf or Sunday football so you can spend a few hours doing something for yourself and no one else. Be strong, convincing, and most importantly, be prepared to bargain. Even an hour or two is better than nothing.

Finally, a mother has to feel attractive again. For nine months, you have felt overweight, swollen, and unappealing. Even though you've had that "special glow" that all pregnant women are supposed to have, chances are you don't feel very special. Now that you've given birth and lost some weight, this is the time to rejuvenate yourself and rekindle your relationship. Go to a beauty salon and get a new hairstyle; go shopping and buy some real clothes; and finally, put on some makeup. Remember, mothers can be sexy, too.

Learn more about this author, Sharon Lea Hill.
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