by Jewell Gibson

Created on: December 12, 2007   Last Updated: August 07, 2008

BIPOLAR DISORDER: EXCUSE OR ILLNESS?

If you think Bipolar Disorder is just an excuse some people use to get away with bad behavior, please , just give me a few minutes of your time, because when I'm finished, you will never think of BP in the same way again. BP has a bad reputation; from those who would abuse its name for their own selfish purposes. Many times, these persons actually do have the disorder, but still abuse it. Instead of judging even these BP patients, I prefer to live by the old Native American adage; "Do not judge a brother until you have walked a mile in his moccasins." Believe me, nobody wants to have BP.

I happen to know BP is a very cruel illness that has left in its wake countless victims - persons who have the disorder, and those who love them. I am challenged with BP every day of my life; I have a BP child, and I have the illness myself. Many people do not begin to display symptoms until adulthood; some , in their mid-to-late-teens, a few are diagnosed as early as elementary school; and very few are heard of, or even acknowledged, in infancy, as was the case with my daughter.

From day one, Michelle was different; the third of four siblings, she refused to fall asleep on her own. She insisted on being held until she was completely dead to the world; but it wouldn't just take a few minutes for her to drop off. At first, it was ten or fifteen minutes, but after a couple of months, it became twenty to thirty minutes; then forty-five minutes, then it became longer and longer. Her grandma told to let her cry herself to sleep (thinking she was just spoiled, as if I hadn't already tried that). Her pediatrician told me to run around the house until she stopped crying (that could have lasted all day; no way was I subjecting my child to that kind of torture). By the time she was fifteen months old, she had a little sister; and the problem was magnified. She was keeping her sister awake. I would have to either take turns rocking the two of them, or their father and I would have to rock them simultaneously. This usually went on far into the night, because if Michelle wasn't completely asleep, a few minutes after I put her down, she would wake up, and soon, so would her sister. For the next four years (until they were both in school), I got precious little sleep.

After she started school, something very strange occurred. I suppose it was because she had to get up earlier every day, but she became the first one to drop off every night; I mean, almost

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