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Valentine's Day is quite upon us. It's a time when the majority of us turn our thoughts to hearts, flowers, cards and candy. For many of us, it's a time of expressing through "things" what we find hard to say with words. For many of us, speaking from the heart and expressing our sentiments is challenging or uncomfortable, so, "we say it with flowers."

Many of us long to be able to look our partner in the eye and say what's in our hearts, to be completely open, to be transparent. Many of us long for the intimacy that allows connecting without words, an intimacy that allows connecting with but a loving glance or a loving touch.

Many of us long to be in relationshipnot just "acquaintanceship."

Many of us long to be wrapped up within each other's heart and soul and not just caught up in the wrapping of our partner's "packaging."

So, this Valentine's Day, it might be a welcome opportunity to take some time for self-reflection and consider what your ideal relationship would really, really be like, right here, right now...not somewhere down the road in the future. After all, the future begins now.

So, some self-reflection questions to consider:

Do you see your relationship as a "problem to be solved", or as an adventure to embrace together? Do you see conflict as a friend and opportunity for growth or connection, or as a pain in the butt? Does your partner support your becoming "whole", or as someone who keeps you from being all that you can be on every level? Are you willing to cross the bridge to "meet" your partner, or are you only waiting for your partner to come to your side? Do you recognize that your partner's bewildering behavior is a cry for your help, o do you see his or her behavior as an irritant that only results in your resistance or resentment? Do you recognize that every frustration is a gift for your relationship?

Do you and your partner honestly, sincerely and openly dream your dreams together? Can you and your partner gently and lovingly hold one another's hand, or do you need to grasp on tightly and chain your partner's soul to your way of be-ing and do-ing? How do you view love? Does love allow you to stand tall and upright or does love mean "leaning" on the other? Do you accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman or a man, or with the grief or resentment or begrudging of a child?

So, on this Valentine's Day, can you plant your own garden without waiting for someone to bring you the flowers? On this Valentine's Day, can you experience your own sweetness without waiting for someone to bring you the candy?

On this Valentine's Day, how are you in relationship with your own heart? Can you look in the mirror at your own reflection and say: "I love you with all my heart; I am complete?" or do you "need someone else" to complete you?

Do cards, candy, and flowers create your sense of well-being, or can they simply the icing on the cake of a full, and complete heart, your own full and complete heart? On this Valentine's Day, are you in relationship or in acquaintanceship? How do you know?

Perhaps, take some time and ask your heart where your heart is this Valentine's Day, and be still, and listen. What is your heart telling you?

Learn more about this author, Peter Vajda Ph.D..
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