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Being a deadbeat parent isn't just about the financial aspect. There are many parent who abandon their children emotionally as well as financially. Case in point, my kids' biological mother, my husband's ex-wife. When my husband and I started dating we weren't quite divorced from our spouses yet. Papers had been filed but nothing was final. About a year later my husband's divorce was final before mine and we eventually moved in together. My oldest and youngest are my husbands from that marriage. Their "mother", we'll call her "Suzie", was given supervised visits at either our home with my husband or at her parents home with one or both of her parents present.

"Suzie" never took advantage of any visitation rights whatsoever. NONE! Keep in mind that the children were then 2 and 6 years old. We went through a great deal of crying, "Where is mommy and when is she coming back?", and "Why doesn't she call?" Especially from the oldest. Our youngest doesn't remember her at all, our oldest has some memories but most aren't good. They are now 10 and 14 years old and in the intervening 8 years we got married and I have become Mom. The kids don't question anymore where she is or when she is coming back. They know she will not.

We struggle financially, I am disabled and awaiting disability from Social Security so we only have one income and no support. It is not the finances that bother me as much as what it did to my kids in those early years. The kids wondered if it was something they did, my husband blamed himself, and I even took some of the blame. What we have come to realize is that, even if WE had done everything right she would still be out of their lives because motherhood just wasn't that important to her. To me, motherhood is what makes me who I am. She did not feel the same.

Now, we just say that God knew what he was doing putting my husband and I together. You see, his kids have my coloring and look like me and mine has his coloring and looks like him. Every time we meet someone who doesn't know our story says to our oldest and youngest "You look just like your Mom!" and to our middle son "You look just like your Dad!" We used to try to correct these folks, now our reply is "Thank you!" We also know that many deadbeat stories don't have our happy ending. We consider ourselves 5 of the lucky few who can honestly say we survived and thrived after divorce. My kids are all fairly well adjusted. Although we are heading into the teen years.....

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