We are all human and we all make mistakes. There are times where we make more than our share of mistakes and the only thing we can do is to humbly admit our transgression and apologize.

This is a very scary position to be in. We have to admit to our transgression either in public or in private and it had better be good. Celebrities have to apologize all the time. Look at the long list of the celebrities that have been caught drinking and driving, or doing drugs. Or how about those that are caught in an affair like Bill Clinton was? It becomes national news instantly and the celebrity is left holding the bag. The best thing for them it to admit they have a problem and get help. People think much more highly of their favorite celebrity when they admit the transgression and seek help immediately.

Whatever the situation, the minimal that is required is an apology. The steps you will take to make your apology will depend on who you have wronged and how you have wronged them. If it is your spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend, then you might need to take a romantic approach. Ideally if you are at the point of being ready to apologize, they already know they have been wronged in some way or another. Do not nullify and void the apology by placing the blame such as, "I'm sorry I yelled at you but you...", nor can you say, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings...". The transgression needs to be listed too, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings by yelling at you.".

The most accepted form of apology to ones spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend is of course in person, not via a letter or note unless it is attached to a gorgeous bouquet of flowers or a fantastic box of chocolates, and perhaps a nice invitation to a romantic dinner. One must tailor the apology method to the transgression that was committed, acknowledge the transgression and then give the apology.

If the apology is to a boss or co worker, one needs to also acknowledge the transgression and not make excuses, again preferably in person. The apology is null and void if it ends with something like, "I'm sorry I did XYZ...but I would have never done it if...". That is not an apology at all but rather an excuse. Never mix the two up.

Also, if your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, your boss and/or co worker are unaware of the transgression, you are not apologizing but rather making a confession. Do not mix the two up. If they are unaware of the transgression then you are first confessing, then apologizing.

We have all been guilty of making a bad situation worse by not apologizing in the right fashion, or not apologizing at all. Think about what you are going to say and why. How will you prevent the action from happening in the future? Be prepared to tell the person how you plan to prevent a repeat occurrence just in case they ask or better yet, offer that up with the apology.

Finally, remember, an apology is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of courage, strength and integrity. If an apology is done in the right way at the right time it will strengthen your relationship or position with a company or your friendship with a co worker. An apology can be very powerful and restore your credibility. By learning to accept our faults and apologize true healing and forgiveness can begin.

Learn more about this author, Linda L Kinyon.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about The perfect apology: Myth or reality ?
We want to hear your view. Write now!