by sogo

Created on: December 06, 2007

"Sonia!" my brother Spencer called from somewhere behind me. "What?" I hollered back. "Bring me some toilet paper," he screeched in a strained voice. "No, I'm watching Saved By the Bell. Get it yourself!" I screamed. A short pause filled the air followed by the pleading cry, "Bring me some Goddamn toilet paper! I can't get off the toilet. I've got poop in my butt!" I continued to rock back and forth in Dad's leather chair. We only sat in it when he was out of the house. I was somewhat afraid that the whole cry for toilet paper was a way to get me out of the chair so he could sneak in from behind and jump in it instead. You see, whoever sat in Dad's chair was also God of the remote control and my taste of pre-teen sitcoms was never Spencer's idea of good T.V.

"SONIA!" he called again. "Fine," I yelled, "I'm coming!" The only reason I agreed was because it was a commercial break. I walked to the back bathroom and pulled out a fresh, soft white roll of toilet paper. He heard my footsteps and barked an order. "Just leave it by the bathroom door." I held in a giggle and replied, "okay." I placed the fresh roll just out of reach of the door and hid behind the wall in the entry way, just on the other side of the hall that separated me from the bathroom. I watched as my older brother slowly opened the bathroom door, pants around his ankles, half walking, half crawling. I could hear the buckle of his belt clank as he slowly inched his hands closer. His body was bent like an upside down "V." His cheeks were spread and I was luckily in a position where I missed what was lurking inside. It took every ounce of self-control I had to not give myself away with bellowing laughter. He looked ridiculous. As he reached for the roll, I jumped from behind the wall and kicked the roll down the hall. I watched as it began to unravel halfway down the hall as my brother scrambled to catch it before it was out of reach. He pulled back in embarrassment and ordered me to get the paper. I was now in hysterics, my body literally shaking from laughter. Part of me was so proud of myself for the act that I had done. The other half of me was terrified of what my brother would do as soon as he was able to wipe, stand comfortably and sturdily on two feet.
As I bent over holding my gut from the pain of laughter, my brother realized he had no other choice than to very carefully, and very uncomfortably work his body to the toilet paper. A moment of insanity hit me as I jumped passed Spencer and punted

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