by Bryan Belrad

Created on: December 06, 2007

Jesus Returns!

On Christmas Day, 2007, US forces were engaged in combat with insurgents in the streets of Baghdad when a sudden flash of light streaked down from the sky and crashed to earth between the embattled troops and their enemies.

Standing in the center of the glowing ray of divine light was a lone man in a white flowing robe. He looked up at the Americans with tears in his eyes, and held up his hands to forstall further violence. He repeated the gesture for the Arabs. Then, he beckoned both leaders forward.

"Why do you make war upon your brother?" the man asked of them.

"Who are you?" the Arab leader asked.
"We gotta de-feat the terrorists!" the American shouted.

"I am Jesus of Nazareth, returned to Earth to spread the Word of my Father, and bring peace" said Jesus, "We have been watching you both from above, and my Father has sent me to tell you both that enough is enough."

"See?" the American shouted at the Arab, "God is on our side! You lose! Now just give up the oil already."

Jesus put a restraining arm on the American, as the Arab shouted, "You filthy infidel! God knows it is you who desecrate this sacred ground with your pork-eating unclean feet!"

It was then that the Lord got angry. It was Old Testament time.

"What part of 'Thou shalt not kill' don't you people get?" To the Arab, he said, "They are not infidels - they follow the same God as you." To the American, he said, "This is not your land to plunder - it belongs to these who live here, many of whom only want to be left alone." To both, he said, "Now, you will BOTH stop killing each other! You are both insurgents in this place, you are both killing innocents, and you WILL both stop dealing death to your brothers and sisters who are children of God, just as you!"

The American and the Arab looked at each other, and understanding dawned in both their eyes.

"He's right," the American said.

"Yes," agreed the Arab, "We must stop calling ourselves Brothers. We are Freedom Fighters!"

And with that, the Arab detonated the IED strapped under his vest, killing everyone.

Three days later, President Bush arrived to declare victory.

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