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I am not in retirement age yet, so it is just a nebulous concept. However I have let my imagination allow myself to conceive of the fact that my retirement funds will be null and void, Social Security will be bankrupt, just to prepare myself for the eventual need of giving myself options should I survive the age of retirement.

What will you do if the large company you have worked for all your life, the one you have invested all your bonds and stocks in, goes belly up?

Several years ago I told my colleagues, the following.

Once the day of retirement arrives, I will know for sure what I have available in $ and this will dictate my retirement options. Remember Enron, what happened to these people that had it all figured out, 6 months away from retirement? They lost it all, their house, their retirement fund, their hope, any financial recourse to the bastards that ruined their lives.

So, I decided years before Enron, that I will know what I have when the time comes. According to my situation then, I will choose my retirement options according to the monetary value I will represent.

I refuse to be incarcerated into the nursing home from hell anywhere, at any cost. I will find myself an island, somewhere, maybe Tonga, purchase a straw squirt, sit on the beach, my eyes gazing over the most peaceful and colorful view I have ever seen. I will use my few dollars from my retirement to buy a few groceries, a couple of margaritas, waiting for the coconut hanging over me to hit me in the head, Should I become incontinent, the ocean tides will clean my accidents. Since there are no nursing homes on the island, there is no fear of me being escorted into the death camp of the modern world.

For most of you this seems extreme. For me it is normal. Life has brought us financial surprises over and over again. I am ready. I am ready for my straw squirt, my incontinence, and the final coconut hitting me over head, taking me out of my misery.

The alternative, is sitting in my own piss and excrement in an expensive nursing home somewhere in our country, because we are not able or willing to pay our care takers enough to deal with us in our old age with dignity and respect.

Anyone know of a good looking coconut tree, please let me know!

Should you want to join me, let us create the coconut tree humanitarian foundation for western, spoiled elderly, unwilling to die in their own excrement.

Learn more about this author, Monique Kuschel.
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