by Susan Strasser

Created on: December 05, 2007   Last Updated: October 24, 2008

The most annoying character in the work environment is the person that is so insecure with themselves that they do everything they can to disperse unpleasant information about their co-workers. Truly, they are pathetic omnivores of misinformation but they are just too annoying to forgive. However with my usual grace and human charity I have managed to put them into perspective so that they become as incidental as lint. Let us say that you spend a day at the office disengaged from these people and their obnoxious behavior and you simply observe. Observe like a smiling Cheshire cat, quietly listening, and taking in the behavior of these varmints.

They can be divided into groups or species. Leading the herd is the head popping weasel type. They emerge from their workspace to spy over cubical walls at the slightest sign of abnormality, ie. whispers, loud laughter from other personnel, or any sound at all from the person that is their current victim. They usually display round eyed and long nosed features. Their worst enemy is the roadrunner boss, who whisks through the office with speed and alacrity catching sight of the weasel whose head is usually up.

The next creature is the head tilting roundworm. They gather in small groups and lean very closely toward one another when speaking. Their reasoning is double fold; A. They have no backbone of their own so they need to support one another; B. Unfortunately, they are only interesting to all of the other sightless, spineless of their ilk.

Flying in, and third on the list is the mouth covering blue-jay. Yes, they are loud-talkers, Jerry. Nevertheless through their brilliant bird-brained deductions they think that by covering their beaks with their wings they can "deliver the goods" unnoticed. "Alas!" quoth the raven. "Nevermore!"

The famous fanged fourth on the list is the viper. Known as a swift but deadly striker, this snake maneuvers unnoticed into dark corners to wait and listen, as it gathers up its venom to save for future use. When the time is most inopportune for its quarry it will lash out to kill with lightning force. Most destructive of the group, the asp usually ends someone's friendship or employment. Decapitation is the only resolve for this predator.

Then of course we can't leave out the three hundred pound gorilla sitting quietly in the room. They just sit back and gesticulate, as they make faces behind people's backs. Usually its for a good laugh. Like King Kong, the last laugh will be on them; nobody wants a three hundred pound gorilla making faces at them.

Paramount to all the others are the hypocritical hyenas. They laugh and smile to your face but as soon as they are outside of the camp or office area, they tear you to shreds like the true scavengers that they are. Fortunately, as with most scavengers, they will eventually be eaten by their own.

There are of course other vilifiers living in the work place jungle; for me, I just place them all in cartoon form in my head and voila! - They become nonsensical characters that don't belong in the real world.

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