4 of 8

Write now Article Tools

Your baby has always been sweet and well-behaved. She smiles when she sees you, does what you ask her to do, and is generally just a beautiful, good child. Then she turns two. Or even 18 months. Sometime after she learns to walk and say a few words, your baby experiences the need to strike off on her own path.

This need for independence can be a nasty surprise for parents. The dramatic change in your child's demeanor will have you questioning your parenting abilities and wondering how you can make it through the next 16 years. Like colic or any other stage of childhood, this difficult time is only temporary. With a few coping techniques, you'll be better prepared next time your toddler shouts "No!"

Offer your child choices. Because your child is exerting her independence from you, she will automatically resist if you tell her to do something. If you tell her you are putting her to bed, her response will be to dig in her heals. If you tell her it's time for bed in five minutes and you'd like her to choose between two books to read, she'll feel like she has some autonomy. When your child feels powerless, there is likely to be a tantrum. When she feels like she has the ability to make choices for herself, some tantrums may be avoided.

Remind yourself that your child's anger is not a statement about your parenting skills or an indication of her personality later in life. It's easy to look at the screaming toddler before you and wonder where you went wrong, but this doesn't mean your baby will end up in prison someday. As her vocabulary improves, she'll be able to communicate her wants more clearly, and as she matures, she won't be so quick to anger.

Learn more about this author, Kate Miller-Wilson.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Tips for managing defiance in toddlers and preschoolers?
We want to hear your view. Write now!