8 of 27

Write now Article Tools

Well, it's the holiday season, and it's time to face the painful truth about "Santa Claus": he's the "cult of personality" ruler of a non-military dictatorship known as "Christmas Town", North Pole. This secluded nation-state, with an estimated population of 5,000 mixed reindeer and elves, creates a reward-punishment mentality in the world's children due to Santa's pervasive intelligence system("he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake") and a do-or-die behavior modification ("he knows if you've been bad or good, so you'd better be good for goodness sake"). Not only does "Kris Kringle" (yet another alias of this suspicious foe of democracy)spy on us, he has unlimited access and entry to our homes once a year.

As brought to light in the compelling, fact filled docudrama, RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER(1964),Maoist conformity and Elf slave-labor working on a "364-Day Plan" are the norm in this brutal totalitarian state. Dissidents like Herbie, the Elf who wanted to be a dentist, were ostracized. Those with physical deformities, like Rudolph with "his nose so bright" (who's been playing with enriched uranium, eh, Father Christmas?)are denied admission to recreational events. Like Stalinist Russia, only those malformed who can perform a "service to the state" like Rudolph on foggy Christmas Eves, are kept from being turned into stocking coal. (Concerning animal rights, the poor beast known as The Abominable suffered vivisection and given the demeaning task of placing the star atop the tree; from liberty to being just another pawn of the franchise.)

Dummy corporations like Macy's and J.C.Penny are in the pay of The Fat Man, and even some of the Elvish proletariat are farmed out to Keebler's to slave away in the ovens. The Grinch, a radical revolutionary, was forcibly converted to the doctrine when he tried to "raise awareness" among the hapless denizens of Whoville; not unlike that poor old Englishman, Ebenezer Scrooge, who was given hallucinogens to make him think he was seeing ghosts until he broke and confessed the party line.

Santa has his own personal gulag in The Island of Misfit Toys, where those poor schnooks who didn't meet strict production standards were exiled to frozen darkness. And apparently he's been experimenting with artificial intelligence, since "Frosty, The Snowman, came to life one day"...disrupting vehicular traffic in an unknown American town and blatantly resisting arrest.

Herbie managed to escape Christmas Town (Rudolph wasn't that lucky) and has been given political asylum in The Emerald City under the protection of The Great & Powerful Wizard of Oz. He remains, "the voice of the voiceless" for those still under Santa's fascistic regime.

Kind of makes the words rather chilling now, "He's making a list, he's checking it twice..."

Learn more about this author, Peter Beolingus.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Satire: Santa Claus?
We want to hear your view. Write now!