There was a time when I had several friends I hung out with. Shortly after my first son was born my friends began to disappear. People my age did not have children at the time and saw them as a nuisance. A lot of my friends couldn't understand the demands of motherhood. As time passed by my friends faded away.

It is very difficult to hold on to friends when you are married and have children. Life becomes a bustle of every day stuff, errands, chores, and homework. You become buried in their lives and forget to maintain yours, or you're just too exhausted to care. Slowly, you loose track of the friends you had.

So how do you maintain friendships when you are raising children? I think it is important to first decide who is really your friend and who is a mere acquaintance. You also have to decide which relationships you want to hang on to. Then you can decide how to nurture those friendships.

First of all, it is helpful to have other moms and dads in your circle of friends. It will give you a common ground when you do break out of jail to join the rest of society. Most of my friends are moms. We don't go out like we used to. We chat on the phone about the stresses of parenthood, the problems with our spouses, and the loss of identity that we all feel. When we get together the children are present. Our conversations are interrupted by little voices asking for juice or a shrill scream that someone has hit them. This helps us keep our friendship alive without paying a sitter to get out of the house.

Most friendships are lost because we become too busy to pick up the phone. Make sure to carve out some time to call your friends. They are your only allies when raising children. A short conversation will help bring both of you out of the land of crayons and tantrums just long enough to stay sane.

A night out can benefit any friendship. Schedule a play date with your grown up friends. Make sure to leave the kids behind. Do something every one will enjoy. It could be a dinner date or just getting your nails done. If money is tight you can schedule a game night at your house after the children have gone to bed.

Although I don't have the friends I used to have, my new friends are crucial for me to maintain an identity beyond my children. We are each other's support system. Months may go by where we don't speak. That is all right because I know when I just can't take it any more I can call them.

Learn more about this author, Jennifer Swisher.
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