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Imagine spending your whole life not caring about how you look.
Not caring about if you have friends.
Not caring about the company you keep.
Imagine growing up and going to school with knots in your hair because you just don't give a damn.
Spend your whole life sleeping 12 hours a day.
In a consistant dream.
Nothing is real.
Reality fades around the edges, and blurs into this mist you call your life.

As you wade through the days that are too thick to speed through, you are waiting.
What are you waiting for? You don't know. Life to get better?
You think for so long that you are waiting for love, cause isn't love supposed to solve everything?
Then you realize, of course, it's a bunch of crap.
Love complicates things and makes life worse.
So you wade through the relationships, dragging your feet as time washes away all that was.
Imagine, you are still unhappy.
A cool wind every now and then to refresh you and give you hope for life.
You end up living on hope, the possibility, whats around the corner, until..
One day something amazing happens, you wake up unafraid to live.
You build a healthy relationship with a mentally healthy person.
For six months, you live in a state of bliss, where all is profound and your love is ever lasting.
You don't mind doing dishes, or cooking dinner.
You slow down, you live every day.
You start swimming, in circles, and smiling through your eyes.
Then, something horrible happens.
You get dragged under the water, you fight to breathe, then, time washes away all that was.
You wade through, cold and alone, through relationship after relationship, day after day.
Imagine, you get sick of this.
So you let yourself sink, deeper and deeper, and pray to drown.
When it doesn't happen, you try to make it happen.
What's this? They don't want you to drown.
So they give you sunshine you can swallow. These magic little pills.
They give you land to stand on, once a month, to spill all your sorrows to an open ear.
And you rise from the waters, little by little. Suddenly you are on land.
Imagine, you look around, your sanity for the first time in your grasps. Reality in the palm of your hand.
Only to realize, life.. sucks.

Learn more about this author, Kaila Crumpley.
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