by Wanderer

Created on: December 02, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

A Chemist with a Brain Chemistry Problem

Chemistry taught me how to balance equations and organize life. Keeping the chemical balancing act is critical. Without a balance, chemistry and life as well, makes no sense.

In 1999, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 29. My life, which seemed balanced, nearly completely fell apart. I was hospitalized 3 times from 2000-2004. As an educated woman with a Ph.D. in chemistry and an understanding of genetics and biochemistry, it has taken me years to put my life back in balance. I can say that eight years later I feel that my brain chemistry is balanced again. Part of what restored balance to my life was moving back to the area I grew up in and having a stable support system that I can rely on.

The past eight years with bipolar disorder has taught me many valuable lessons. The first lesson is: do not underestimate the power of your mind, emotions and thoughts. As a "hard" scientist, a chemist, I never took psychology seriously. I never took a class and never understood it. I have many people to thank for turning me around, coworkers friends, family, my therapist and psychiatrist. At the time when I was suffering from many mood swings I had a coworker who was not afraid to tell me that I had a problem. Without her help and the help of my family and friends I might not be here today. One of the key elements for me was cognitive therapy, the therapy pioneered by Dr. Aaron Beck. This therapy challenges irrational thinking and corrects illogical thoughts.

Bipolar disorder, as many people know now, is a mental health disease that causes brain chemicals to become unbalanced. As brain chemistry becomes unbalanced this leads to imbalance in behavior and mood swings. There are many variations of bipolar disorder. I tend to be more prone to have more mania or highs than lows. However when the highs are too high hospitalization is required and a crushing depression usually follows. A genetic predisposition and psychologically traumatic events may cause the disease to express itself. In my case I believe that my mother's death and family genetics were the big players in the development of my variation of bipolar. For me the disease is very chemical. Variations in sleep, light, eating, exercise and most of all stress can be a recipe for disaster. Lithium has been a life saver for me. Again, the ability to rationalize irrational thoughts and fight your mind taking you over is essential. I had to relearn how to think rationally

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