by Dee Cain

Created on: December 01, 2007

Spirituality is a very personal issue. Many times I have been asked, "Have you been saved?" or "What church do you belong to?" My answer is yes and none. This is a subject I feel very strongly about because of the response from those asking the questions. They usually wear an air of superiority, whether real or imagined, I immediately shutdown.

I describe myself as Spiritual. Having done my share of God shopping by attending various churches I have never found one I have felt totally comfortable in. There was one that came close but due to the lack of funds they had to close their doors. No fault belongs to the churches or the people who attended them in any way. What I was seeking was inside myself thus no building or person could fulfill that need.

My relationship with God started out when I was very young. My parents would send me to church on Sunday and rhe seed was planted that there was someone watching out for me. I learned the lessons, the Commandments and the basics of right and wrong.

As a teen I started drinking. This continued until I was twenty nine years old. During these years my life had turned into a total hell. Abusive relationships, doing things to get a drink that no sober person would think of doing and steadily going insane. I wound up in the state mental hospital. Broken and scared.

Waking out of my stupor, not knowing what was going to happen next, I started crying uncontrollably. Inside I heard a voice say, "Trust and everything will be alright." A calm settled over me and I began to trust the people trying to help me. I believe it was God speaking to me. He gave me the second chance when I felt unworthy.

My concept of God is a loving and forgiving soul. Someone I can share my problems with and rely on to give me the answers I need. If I had to describe him physically He would be the loving Grandfather type who sits you on his lap and comforts you. He is with me 24/7 thus I only have to be still enough for Him to get His message across.

The last twenty years have held some very trying times but I have never felt alone. He is always with me. Many times He has carried me when I didn't think I'd survive. He always gives me what I need when I need it, not what I want. This has led to many blessings.

Many don't understand my concept of spirituality. It's not easy to explain. I believe everyone's relationship with their Higher Power is special. The concept of fire and brimstone doesn't work for me. Organized religion has molded me and confused me at the same time. I believe if I live as God wants me too and trying to help others as I have been helped then God's work is being done through me.

As I reflect on how guilt-ridden I used to be, believing myself unworthy of God's love. The guilt was killing me. Today through His gentle guidance I have grown as a person.

Spirituality is a feeling of His presence. No matter where one goes or does as long as they have the spirit of God with them they will touch others.

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