by Kelly Steier

Created on: November 30, 2007

Remembered?

To be remembered with final parting words is something vitally important to me. No one should leave this world without something special said about them and for them. And for that reason, I have written and spoken countless eulogies for people in my life that have met G-d.

My first eulogy was written while I was still in high school for my Uncle who passed away tragically of a massive heart attack. While I was not able to recite the words at his funeral service, I was given the opportunity some weeks later at the gathering of our Family Circle. At first I was extremely scared to speak in public about something as personal as death, but it was what I have come to realize is a "necessary mission."

Through the years, I have eulogized both of my beloved parents, aunts, and loved ones. No two eulogies are quite the same simply because no two people are the same. I also never look back at previous eulogies when writing a new one because originality and freshness is essential. While it may be tempting to grasp a beautiful sentiment from an earlier speech, it would be less than a sincere attempt to capture the person.

I wrote and recited an eulogy recently for my sister-in-law's father; a lovely man who was known for helping everyone. While the usual elements of who he was were included, the one paragraph that received the most comment was a memory of how he specifically reached out to help me by hanging my ceiling fan. I can just see him with his box of tools standing on a ladder attaching the wires and giving me light and the flutter of air. This opened up discussion by so many of how he helped them too. I felt good knowing that my words meant so much to the family and helped capture his spirit.

Following the ceremony, a number of people jokingly said that I could write their eulogies and there just may be a future in "eulogy writing". I was extremely honored and humbled by their assessment of my writing and speaking; however, to write a good eulogy there needs to be an emotional attachment and an understanding of the person. You need to "feel" the words and not just put words upon the page. I can think of nothing quite as personal as an eulogy.

To be honest, my mother heard her eulogy before she passed away. Mom suffered from a number of serious ailments that affected her physical and mental abilities, but she was still my best editor and toughest critic. As I read the words to her, Mom stopped me in mid-sentence and told me that this word or that phrase simply did not work. And she cautioned me time and time again to speak slower so people will be able to "digest every word." And I added this episode to her eulogy simply because it summed up a vital piece of who Mom truly was-feisty, opinionated and almost always, right!

I often sit and wonder if anyone will write and recite an eulogy for me when my time comes. I once asked Mom that question and her advice to me was to "write your own eulogy and make sure that someone says it on your behalf." That was Mom. Yet, I do hope that when my time comes to meet G-d, that someone merely says that I cared enough to say a few words for those who passed on. It would be in my eyes, a fine eulogy.

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