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A funeral is a time for those still living to remember someone who has died, to celebrate their life, to accept their death, and to grieve and mourn with others who share their loss. It is an important part of the grieving process. A funeral reinforces the fact that the deceased is in fact dead, something that may seem hard to believe for loved ones. It brings together all the people who suffered the loss, so that nobody feels like they are alone. It provides people with a final chance to say goodbye and make their peace. It gives people closure, allowing them to close that chapter of their lives and move on to the next.

The funeral process does not really affect the deceased. For those who believe that death is the end, the deceased is no longer in existence at the time of the funeral so there is no way that any particular rituals will affect them at all. For those who believe the soul continues to exist, the generally accept theory seems to be that the soul leaves the body at the time of death, and therefore the body is no longer attached to the soul at the time of the funeral.

As the funeral is for the benefit of the living, it needs to cater for their needs, and not the needs of the deceased. The funeral should include rituals that help the living to come to terms with the death. The rituals should reflect the believes and feelings of those attending the funeral.

If the deceased wished for something particular to be included in their funeral, it would probably be comforting to their family and friends to include it in the service. However if the wishes of the deceased clash with the beliefs and needs of those attending the funeral, it could cause the attendees to feel uncomfortable or upset, which is not something I believe should be done.

If I were to consider my own funeral, I would like to picture my family and friends celebrating my life, reliving their memories and enjoying themselves together. In reality, they are far more likely to be upset and tearful, hardly in the mood for a celebration. It would be extremely uncomfortable for me to try to enjoy myself if someone close to me had passed away, and I wouldn't wish to make my family and friends uncomfortable by trying to force them to make my funeral a celebration.

If the beliefs of the deceased differ from those of their family and friends, the type of funeral that they picture may not satisfy the needs of their loved ones, and it would be selfish to exclude rituals which are important to those attending just because they don't match the beliefs of the deceased. For example, if an atheist wished to have no religious content in their funeral, but their relatives held religious beliefs that require certain rituals to be performed, the deceased would be denying their relatives the peace of mind which those rituals could bring.

I do think that the wishes of the deceased should be considered when planning their funeral, because it is likely that complying with their wishes will make their loved ones feel more comfortable, but I don't think that they should have the final word, given that the funeral is not for their benefit. It is more important that the living be allowed to grieve in their own ways than it is to follow the wishes of somebody who is no longer there to benefit from them.

Learn more about this author, Kate Hudson.
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