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I would like to know who signed me up for all of the penile enhancement spam that I have been receiving lately. I'm serious. For I know that I live in the state of Misery; but there has to be a limit to the amount of indignities that a man can be subjected to!

Oh yeah, I've got something for you. Well, okay, maybe not anymore. For I am no longer like that; but my good ol' bad self would have certainly had a valuable service to perform. Satisfaction guaranteed-take it to the bank! For a rusty pair of vise grips and a meat-tenderizing mallet in the experienced hands of someone with a blood type of Old No. 7 always leaves a lasting impression.

I bet you're the one who signed my wife up for the same barrage a few years back-aren't you? Didn't you learn your lesson? For if she could not get me to see where there might be much to be gained before: what makes you think that I would want to be more like Smiling Bob now?

He ain't all that-don't you know? If he was: he couldn't be racing no stock car!

Yeah, I've seen some other commercials with a bevy of buxom babes looking all googly-eyed over significant changes to a certain part of the male anatomy in heavy rotation with advertisements for Girls Gone Wild videos late at night on Spike. Be assured that those operators on stand-by are still a-waitin' my call.

Come on now, can your emails compete with that? Now I know that there is something to be said for quantity over quality; but you're taking up valuable space. Space that is needed forumother stuff!

Maybe I'm missing the point and not taking full advantage of all of the opportunities being presented? For new directives upon what is now good and bad for us are issued all of the time these days. I must have missed the one about drywall being an excellent source of fiber-especially when formed into a diamond shape and dyed a particular shade of blue.

Yeah, I suppose that it could be worse. By the way: does anyone know when the next drawing for the Internet Lottery is being held?

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