by Heidi Hess Saxton

Created on: November 27, 2007

It was New Year's Eve. We were spending it with my sister and her family, and were having a great time. All of us, that is, except seventeen-year-old Ryan. My nephew was sulking in his room because he wanted to be with his friends instead of his out-of-town relatives.

Suddenly, I had a brain storm. I scribbled something on a piece of paper and slipped it under his door. The note read: "Hey, Ryan! It's time to demolish the gingerbread house. Wanna help?"

Five minutes later, he was in the dining room and had a gleam in his eye for the first time that whole weekend. Peppermint candies and royal icing bits flew as fists pounded into gingerbread roofs and walls. This flurry activity was quickly followed by eager hands pulling apart the fragments and stuffing them in their mouths along with copious droughts of milk or tea. I'd correctly figured out the recipe for teenage joy: food + prospect of venting his frustrations = End of Tantrum.

Traditions like the annual "smashing of the gingerbread house" are an important part of family life. Whether they are established in childhood or are adapted to accommodate the age and interests of particular family members, these little "hooks" provide an opportunity to anticipate good times and squirrel away memories that can last a lifetime.

These celebratory moments don't have to be expensive, or even tied to official holidays. In our family we have "Apple Dumpling Sunday" (the day after the first apple picking of the season) and "Blueberry Pancake Day." We observe "Green Eggs and Ham" Day (St. Patrick's Day or to match the school colors for the morning-after homecoming breakfast).

As teens mature, parents may choose to widen the "family" circle to include special friends, but it's important not to absolve their children from regular interaction with their primary support system: their family. Encourage teens to help in the planning, and allowing them to teach you about activities they enjoy, can provide a turning of the tables that keep these interactions fresh and inviting for all concerned.

Learn more about this author, Heidi Hess Saxton.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.