by David R. Chase

Created on: November 25, 2007

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

Who has a prayer when they're up against a man of that caliber? No one does.

Chuck Norris could roundhouse kick Jack Bauer in the face before Bauer even knew he'd been Norrised. He would immediately be out for the count, and the only reason he'd know what happened is that when Chuck kicked him, he knocked him back in time - so Bauer would be able to re-live the attack over, and over, and over.

Even if Chuck Norris fought himself, he would still win. The man is amazing - he drinks napalm for heartburn, he sleeps with a pillow under his gun, and uses Tabasco sauce for eye drops. Thus, it is useless to wonder if Jack Bauer could hold his own in a fight with Chuck Norris. Sure, Bauer can hold his own - his own arm after Chuck Norris rips it off and beats him with it!

I've recently come home from Iraq - these Chuck Norris sayings are scrawled inside EVERY porta-potty from Arifjan, Kuwait to Kirkuk, Iraq. I guess even Soldiers realize that Chuck Norris IS a weapon of mass destruction - which is why he's not allowed over there (we're trying to give the terrorists a fair fight, I suppose).

Again, Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter - case closed.

Learn more about this author, David R. Chase.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.