by Global Beauty

Created on: November 25, 2007

When Believing In God Is Not Enough
Consecration of a non-addict assigned to a 60-day in-patient Alcohol & Drug Rehabilitation Center.

"What is your drug of choice?" Says the intake administrator. "I have no drug of choice, I was sent here to complete 300 hours of community service." From her sneering smile and perplexed expression- I realize that she assumed that I was just another grieving addict in denial. I wanted to say with utmost cynicism and disgust " look lady I detest the smell of cigarettes, especially on the breath of smokerstalk less of the addiction to nicotine, so why would I want to be a slave to any chemical substance that destroys my body, makes me feel numb and out of control!" "Dear God what have I gotten myself into."

The "Surreal Life"

I stuck out like a sore thumb. I always felt like an infiltrator. Just imagine living with 30 recovering addicts of crack, heroin, cocaine, marijuana, pills and alcohol-that now have to settle with very strong nicotine addictions or legally prescribed narcotics.
After a day or two, new clients were asking me the infamous question "Why are you here?" I would always reply with "how will my answer make your life better." I never got a response. In those instances I was so thankful to God that I never desired drugs. Regardless, I felt like I was surrounded by insanity- (by choice).

The emotional outbursts at times made living with these recovering addicts akin to the thawing out of frozen food. Many of the women would share that they have been emotionally numb for so long- their feelings were practically anesthetized. As they began to defrost of un-experienced emotions, un-healed pain, and un-resolved issues just like frozen food-there was an unevenness of area's that were "melting" faster than others. There was definitely a lack of tact when certain emotions were provoked. Paradoxically, just when we think the food is completely thawed out-we always find an area deep in the center that's still frozen solid.

Group meetings consistently reminded me of the disheartening fact that the battle of addiction is life and death for these clients. Remembering that God told me to choose the "Nest" caused such fracas in my mind. I didn't want to come to the "Nest." To make matters worst, my counselor, a recovering addict who has had over 10 years clean time, told me that she has never had a client like me-so she has to make up some kind of care plan. Despite the fact that her evaluation and the computer generated Alcohol & Drug

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