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Dewy Cheatum, A spokesman for the company that owns the cruise ship Explorer says that passengers will be billed for the extra service they received on the latest cruise. The Explorer struck an iceberg in freezing Antarctic waters and sank. Passengers were rescued and put aboard other vessels in the area. "These people wanted adventure and were willing to pay for it. They got more adventure than expected and of course it is only right that they pay extra for the privilege of rowing life-boats through rough waves and freezing spray," said Cheatum. "We went to great effort and even sacrificed our ship for their benefit."

In sports, it took three overtimes but LSU finally managed to lose to Arkansas. In so doing they followed other top ranked teams in successfully avoiding a possible national championship. "What do you think?" asked team captain Joe Tibid. "If we had won today we might play for the BCS trophy. After a hard game, when we're tired, they would hand it to us. Do you have any idea how much that thing weighs?"

In diplomacy, President Bush has successfully negotiated a truce between two representatives of groups usually at odds with each other. He announced the coming agreement of a young man to try to live the rest of his life with a member of the class known as "women," specifically with one of Bush's daughters. The young man in question is supposed to try to understand Jena. However men and women are so different from each other success in that endeavor is regarded as highly unlikely.

In politics, democratic candidates for president continued to exemplify Will Rogers statement, "I'm not a member of any organized party, I'm a Democrat." The candidates accusations against each other are so heated that if the hot air could only be captured and used, it would completely solve our energy crisis. On the other hand, if we could get them to shut up we would make a big dent in the global warming problem.

Internationally, exiled Russia tycoon Boris Berezovsky said Friday he is funding underground groups to "prepare people to go to the streets" to overthrow President Vladimir Putin's government. Considering the treatment Russia has given other exiles, suspicion is that Mr. Berezovsky is trying this method to acquire difficult-to-obtain radioactive polonium.

In France, the transportation strike seems on the verge of ending. Considering French workers love of going on strike, it is believed that the only possible reason is that they see some bigger reason to strike in the near future and want to save their energy for an even bigger party.

Learn more about this author, Hal Lillywhite.
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