by HunterSmithHarris

Created on: November 23, 2007

Reducing Stress in Children.
To find a ten year old with his hair falling out is worrying. To discover the cause is stress related is even more worrying. When that child is your grandson it is also heartbreaking.

What is the figure for marriage breakups ? 1 in 3 ? well sure his parents not being together is sure to be a factor, spending time between his mum and dad, but never together is not what any child wants, but it is no longer a stigma that might lead to added stress. This means looking at other reasons for Alfie being stressed in a way his friends from similar backgrounds are not.

Alfie is not a happy go lucky child, he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. He spent a lot of time with his grand parents when he was young, due to the situation between his parents. This certainly helped his reading, his speech and his understanding of the world around him, but didn't give him as much interaction with other children. His approach to life is best described as 'old before his time'.

Now and again however the true child appears, then there are no concerns and no differences between him and every other child; he plays, he laughs, he is mischievous and cheeky and he has no thoughts of the future only the moment.

The challenge therefore is to increase the time when he is a child and remove the 'mini-adult' parts of his life. So now I am a relationship counselor on the side, trying to advise my son how to approach his ex-wife in a way that is stress free to Alfie, on involving him in more childish behavior, more time with his friends and more freedom within safe boundaries.

There are clearly some obvious activities that help tremendously, but also some less obvious. Trial and error seems to be the order of the day in getting him back to a worry free childhood, as well as a full head of hair.
Obvious Options
1. Sports, whether an organized team (pick one that has a rational Manager), or just an informal kick-about, ball throwing, etc
2. Cycling, swimming, walking but not in military fashion. If you are going to cycle, go through woods, or up and down hills, anywhere different. If you are going to swim, then do so with a ball or an inflatable, anything that involves playing in the water, not just laps. Walking should involve climbing, hiding, chasing, it does not matter as long as it is different.
3. Invite his friends round, let him go to them. Accept that children and happy to know you are there in the background, but don't want you with them all the time.

Less Obvious Options
1. Helping you to do something - This only works if it is something they believe they are better able to do than yourself, e.g. finding something on the PC, or getting to a new level on a Video game.
2. Playing with a younger or older sibling - Again, this only tends to work if you also join in, so find the time and show an interest.
3. Driving a car. Clearly not everyone has a school for young drivers nearby and letting them onto the roads is never going to happen, but perhaps in a private (very open) area, such as a shopping center or school car park on a Sunday morning, then having them sat with you and steering and driving slowly. It does not turn them all into the next generation of car thieves either.

So where are we with Alfie, well 6 months on from finding clumps of hair missing from his head, there has not been a miracle cure. His hair is growing back but not completely yet and he still greets you with a frown rather than a smile, but the times when he is laughing are more frequent and the text messages are far more on what he is doing, than what problems he sees in the world around him. We keep playing with him and keep treating him as he is, a child.

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