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The Autumn of My Years

I am in my early 50's, and I guess recently had experienced what I had heard of as a midlife crisis. All I could think about was my youth. I even went through a period of about two weeks when I would cry whenever I was alone, longing for my youth. I hated being this age and dreaded getting older.

They say, "God works in mysterious ways." I believe this to be true. While experiencing this midlife crisis, I became very sick with chronic bronchitis, and ended up in the hospital. While in the hospital, I decided I was grateful to be alive at this age, and I needed to make the best of it.

Today, after getting myself together, developing a relationship with a higher power, taking care of my body, and opening my heart to love, I am right where I want to be - in the autumn of my years. I have discovered it all has to work together. Mind, body, spirit has to be in sync. Once I discovered that secret, I became the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I also had to learn that I have to be happy where I am. I once read a book, at a time when it didn't have as much meaning to me, as it would now. I was only 19 years old, searching for some kind of life answers. But, I read it for a reason, because after all this time, I remember the main premise of it. It was: Be here now. In fact, that was the title of it. Don't despair over what you could have or should have done in the past. Don't worry about what's going to happen in the future. JUST ENJOY TODAY! You know, we say this all the time, but we really don't internalize it. I have finally internalized it, and am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.

Here in Michigan, the autumn colors are starting to come out at this time of year. Because of where I am at emotionally, I am finding that every color seems to represent a place in the autumn of my years.

The reds of the leaves on the trees and bushes represent the passion of my love at this time of my life. Never have I loved this strongly and with so much passion. Maybe, when I was younger I was more concerned about BEING loved in a romantic way. Not that there is anything wrong with romantic love, but I'm talking about a love for mankind. Now, I' m loving unselfishly, just for the sake of loving, and it does my heart so much good.

The yellows and golds on the trees represent the richness of my faith in a higher power. I never had that much faith. I do now. I know the will of my higher power is in my best interest. Because I'm not perfect and

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