by Kim L Kirsch

Created on: November 22, 2007

Keeping teens involved in your family life seems like an impossible task. In reality it is not a difficult as one might think. It really starts when they are young. The more time you spend with them then, the easier it will be when they are in their teen years. When children reach that scary age of thirteen to eighteen they will want to spread their wings a little bit and they will want to spend most of their time away from you.

If you want your teen to continue to spend quality time with the family you will need to lay down some ground rules. But, if it is important to you and your family, which it is my personal opinion that it should be, then you will find what works for you.

In our family, my daughter is pretty much the focal point. We attend her practices for her sport. We go to her competitions. We help with her homework, we drive her to meet her friends, drive her to the mall. This has been a common practice in our family since she was born. I think that is the reason why we do not have much trouble when it comes to her spending time with the family and being involved in what is going on.

Keeping a steady, reliable schedule will also help a great deal. Do not let these "eager to grow up" teenagers fool you, they love consistency and will thrive if you provide a steady regiment. It gives them structure to have a schedule and all children whether they are one-year-old or seventeen-years-old need that in their life in order to feel secure. For example in our family every Sunday is church and lunch day. Every Wednesday night is church/youth group and dinner night. These are givens and she knows it. She never tries to get out of it. In fact, she likes the youth group and loves our church.

If you really want to keep your teens involved in your family life open the door for their friends to join you at your home or on outing. In our family this is a practice that is done quite often. The only exception to this would be during the holidays. I strongly feel that holidays should be kept only to family. This too has been a practice for much of our daughter's life. This is not to say that if a friend is going to have a lonely Christmas or Easter that they would not be welcome in my home. What it means is that all children should be with their own families on those special days.

By sacrificing of your time, finances and effort to show your teen that your are more than interested in their future, you will gain the respect of family time. If you try to make every day family time without giving them room to grow you will defeat the purpose and possibly have a rebellious teenager on your hands. The key is give and take without one side giving or taking more than the other. When you teach them the value of compromise you are giving them an edge on the future and teaching them a valuable lesson that they will never forget. Remember to be interested and stay interested in their life and they will return the favor with spending quality time with you and the other members of your family.

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