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Humor: Garage sales

Each year, as soon as the temperature starts to creep above 60 degrees, I take a look at the contents of my garage sale room wistfully hoping that this will be the year I unload the mother lode. It all started with a garage sale box. In that box I had long ago placed some college textbooks that held such valuable information that I felt I couldn't throw them away. Next were a few pairs of pants that would no longer accommodate my expanding hips. Soon the box was overflowing with out of style shoes, some blank tape cassettes and floppy disks, and a few household items I had impulse purchased at tag sales myself before realizing how hideous they were.

One day I went into the room that had the garage sale box and realized that I needed to contain the growing pile that was accumulating in and around the box. That is when my garage sale box became my garage sale closet. Now I was able to banish even more unwanted items to one corner of my home. Creased posters, old curtains, exercise tapes, a baby swing and bouncer. Many items went in the garage sale closet because I wanted to get rid of them but was not quite ready to let them go. After all, you never know when you might need to break out that ab roller again.

One cold November morning, I went to put in some Halloween costumes and the door to the closet would not close. Oh well, I thought. No one ever really comes in this room anyway. So the closet door stayed open and the garage sale blob began to expand and take over what was once the guest room. Now we had a permanent guest in the form of a whole bunch of useless stuff.

The next summer I did attempt to put together a garage sale to try to stem the expansion of my collection. However, half a room full of stuff does not a garage sale make. So I invited my sister to bring her crap over so we could advertise the ever-popular multi-family garage sale. This turned out to be a big mistake. She was making deals left and right and unloading half of her stuff to the detriment of my own sales. You want that microwave oven for a dollar? No problem! I tried to point out to her that her asking price was more than ten times that. "Hey, as long as it's out of my house I really don't care," she replied. Great, I've got the garage sale equivalent of Walmart putting my mom and pop garage sale out of business.

Oh, and guess where the other half of her stuff ended up. But if I get my way next year the garage sale will be at her house and I will be ready to make some deals!

Learn more about this author, Rachel Doherty.
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