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"this is mine." Face to face rubbing is the ultimate compliment, and we should return it.

Tails speak volumes about a cat's mood. Carried straight up, they are on patrol. Curled at the end indicates inquisitiveness. The tail held out level with their body means a cat is on a mission, and will not be easily distracted. Lashing the tail from side to side is an agitated cat, hopefully because they have discovered something worth pouncing on. The little wiggle of the hindquarters means pouncing is imminent. The straight up tail that is also quivering is a sign of excitement, such as when cans are opened. Relaxed cats often wind their tail around their bodies when they curl up, and in cold weather it is often laid over the nose to protect it from chilly winds.

The shaken paw, as though water has gotten on it, indicates displeasure or confusion. The extended paw is asking for something, especially if the cat paws the air. A tilted face is another way to ask for things. When the cat asks for our attention, we should encourage them by becoming attentive. I ask my cats to "show me" and then follow them to where they want to go. This is how cats keep the water bowl filled, alert us to a litter box which needs cleaning, or even ask about that funny noise coming from the refrigerator.

When we pet the cat, we often get lowered shoulders and elevated hindquarters. This is a cat's way of showing openness to overtures. As disconcerting as it might seem to be presented with the business end of the cat in our lap, they are offering themselves in a vulnerable position to show trust. A few gentle rubs or scratches at the base of the tail will keep up our end of the deal.

We can easily extend affection to the cat by following their lead. Don't pat them on the head or roughhouse as you would a dog, because this is threatening behavior. Cats like slow gentle movements. If they draw back when we reach for their head, redirect our hand to their chest, which is respectful and enjoyable. Move up from there to the chin, which is always ready to be scratched. Then move around the neck to the ears, treating them like the delicate appendages they are. Move out to the back for some long, gentle strokes, always being alert to the cat's signals.

Blinking, stretching, and nuzzling, or a leisurely rolling and unrolling tail, are all positive signs of appreciation, while a lashing tail or flattened ears are indications that we are making the cat uncomfortable. Always leave the cat an out; if they want to leave, let them. Even pleasurable moments can overstimulate the cat and get them charged up, and then they often feel we are doing it on purpose, since we are In Charge Of Everything. Always stop when we are making the cat uncomfortable and let them find their equilibrium before approaching them again.

Cats move in a world of subtle signals, mutual respect, and delicate dances of friendship. By understanding what the cat is saying to us, our own movements will then communicate our regard and affection.

This is how we build a cat relationship. One small movement at a time.

Learn more about this author, Pamela Merritt.
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