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People get married with every intention of having a happily-ever-after. Unfortunately, about half of those perky-tailed marriages end up going by the wayside. It's just a sad fact of our society. A lot of these failed marriages involve offspring who want more than anything in the world for mommy and daddy to stay together. But sometimes that is just not possible. It is possible, however, to help make the transition for these kids from being in a family with married parents to a family with divorced parents much easier.

Take my sister, for instance. When she got married, her husband was still going to school. She immediately became pregnant but continued to be the main bread winner because she knew that a little sacrifice now could result in great benefits later. So it went for a number of years. Three kids and a six-figure income for him later, he decided he didn't love her anymore and asked for a divorce. Of course, when the kids found out that their parents were getting divorced, they were devastated. But my sister always kept their well-being a priority and never once spoke negatively about her ex-husband-to-be in front of her kids. She merely explained that it was just that sometimes grown-ups cannot get along with each other and it's better if they don't live under the same roof. She made it clear to them that their dad was still going to be there for them and that she would be there for them as well. And she kept her word.

My sister has never been happier. Her kids are thriving and well-adjusted. Perhaps her situation is not typical. They still all go on several vacations together every year. He pays. She still gets along extremely well with his entire family and still attends birthday parties, graduations, etc. He buys her birthday and Christmas presents. They talk on the phone every day. When he purchased his own house, he asked her to go with him to pick out furniture. He bought his house in the same neighborhood where my sister and her kids live. They share responsibilities with carpooling and school events. In other words, it's as if they have the perfect marriage, except they're not.

Keep in mind that when you become parents with another person, there are two sides to that relationship; there's the parent side and your personal relationship side. Don't confuse the two. Don't intermingle them. Don't ruin the parent side of the relationship if your personal relationship with this person goes sour. You have to protect your children. They need to feel that their mom and dad care and respect each other. They need to know that the divorce did not happen because of them. They need to feel safe and not torn between the two of you; like they have to pick sides. It should never be like that. Don't poison their minds and their feelings for the other parent. Your dirty business and your issues with your ex-spouse needs to remain YOUR dirty business and issues; not your children's.

Yes, divorce is sad, but it doesn't have to be devastating. You want your children to still have the illusion that love can happen for them when they become adults. Be a role model for your children by maintaining dignity and respect for each other as well as for them. Who knows, maybe they'll be lucky in love and won't have to deal with a divorce of their own. But, if they do, at least you know that they've had the opportunity to see two people part and yet still remain together. Divorce doesn't have to be a dead-end street; it's more like a one-lane highway turning into a two-laner. You're both still going the same direction only you now have a little more room.

Learn more about this author, MiLa Driver.
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