3 of 10

Write now Article Tools

Cold Feet. If you've had them or recently acquired them, you don't need a definition. You need help. If you are a maid of honor trying to deal with this condition, here's a crash course.

MEANING AND ORIGIN OF THE EXPRESSION:

Apprehensiveness or doubt of sufficient strength to prevent one from following a certain planned course or action. The famous Wikipedia states that Stephen Crane is credited with the first use of this expression in 1896.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS:

Cold feet is a condition which may appear to come on suddenly. But in reality it has been incubating for quite some time. Probably from the moment he proposed, or before. This condition is treatable, but should be caught early.

You, as maid of honor, are the trusted companion, friend, and adviser. So do your homework. Spend lots of time before the wedding day getting the bride to talk to you. Carefully note what she says and how she says it. If you hear signs of doubt in her voice, if she constantly asks you what you think about him, his family, or relationship issues, watch out! Cold feet has infected her! It may be mild or severe, but it can be overcome. Ask her what her deepest concerns and fears are. This will require getting her in a relaxed setting. Maybe at a spa, or maybe at home for a girl's night with shooters of Cuervo Gold. But take it easy. After all, if she confesses her darkest secrets and you can't remember them the next day, you're sunk!

TREATMENT:

Whether Cold Feet become full blown just hours before the wedding, or days before, here's what to do: Find a quiet place for the two of you. Bar the doors, toss the cell phone. Now, get her to breathe. Practice slow, deep breathing till she calms down. Get her to tell you any and everything she has on her mind. If she can't or won't speak to you, then proceed with treatment.

First, ask her if there is anything she has learned recently about her groom that would give her reason to stop the wedding. Make sure you have an answer to this before you go any further. Second, if there is no looming dark cloud, then remind her of the reasons she fell in love and said yes to spending the rest of her life with this man. Assure her that it is totally natural to feel this way, to fear, to doubt, to question. To panic. But remind her that she has spent a lot of time building a relationship of trust with her intended. The commitment they have made to each other is reason to feel safe, secure, and happy.

Third, let her cry, scream, throw something or express herself however she needs to. This emotional release may be just what the doctor ordered. The stress and emotions of the wedding itself may erupt, so have tissues and makeup handy for later. She may just need a good cry to relieve the tension. After that, try to lighten the mood by reminding her of a funny incident you shared, or a childhood memory, or just tell her a joke. Fourth and lastly, hug her, hold her hand, say a prayer, and give the treatment a few moments to work. Watch as her feet warm right up.

With solid information and tools, Cold Feet can be cured. The instruments you need are a good listening ear, patience, sympathy, and a good working knowledge of your patient - The Bride. Good health to you - and your patient. After the wedding, go take some medication of your choice and have yourself a good nervous breakdown. You've earned it!

Learn more about this author, Sue L. Bell.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Maid of honor tips: What to do if the bride has cold feet?
We want to hear your view. Write now!