The mere thought of my neighbors is causing me to rub my face with my hands and clench my teeth. I close my eyes and shake my head and wonder if I even want to get started with this one.

Sometimes I think that my neighbors are not real people at all; that they are actors on a spin off of My Name is Earl. As I sit here at my computer this morning, the thought of their yard is making me break out in hives. They have a huge dumpster in their driveway that is their garbage can. Who generates enough garbage in a week that warrants using a dumpster on a weekly basis? Why is it that they have a garbage collection bin as big as my living room, yet they have bags of garbage sitting around their house from six months ago?

They attempted to install a pond kit this summer. Instead of actually digging out holes for the ponds to rest in, they shoveled the grass off of one spot and deposited it next to the new bare spot. They then placed one of the black bean shaped ponds on the bare spot, and one on the grass mound beside the first. They then shoveled mulch around the whole thing in an attempt to hide the fact that they are not actually in the ground. They added water, fish, and plants. Within two months they had a smaller version of a stagnant mosquito breeding ground, approximately the same green color and smell of it's counterpart in their back yard. The "mosquito pond" in the back yard is the 15' by 3' family swimming pool that was put up about the same time. West Nile anyone? The blood sucking pests were so plentiful this year, we couldn't even use our own back yard.

They have approximately six vehicles in their driveway and yard. I think only two of them actually run.

This is all rounded out nicely by the fact that they have three kids under the age of seven. The oldest is in charge of babysitting his younger sisters, because mom is too busy sitting in the house, chain smoking and talking on the phone with one of those Madonna-like head sets on. The littlest one is not even potty trained yet, although she looks to be three or so. They run around outside with no coats, shoes, and sometimes, not even pants when the temperature outside is hovering at forty degrees. They are incredibly filthy. They will have the same sticky, dirty spots on their faces for days at a time. Their hair, as my sister in law puts it, "looks like they were pulled through a key hole backwards". They are constantly on my porch, in my driveway, around my carport and under my skin!

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