by Roberta Velyn

Created on: November 18, 2007   Last Updated: April 18, 2008

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my husband doesn't have Attention Deficit Disorder. Maybe he's just lazy or careless or stupid, but being a teacher and having worked with children with ADD and ADHD, I've heard those adjectives used to describe students who were later diagnosed as having an attention deficit, so I'm pretty sure I'm living with a man who has ADD. He'd never agree to being tested, and the opinion of an expert wouldn't carry much weight with him anyway, and even if he was diagnosed, at age 60 he's pretty much set in his ways, so a diagnosis wouldn't change anything, except perhaps to validate my opinion. But knowing I'm right wouldn't go a long way toward making life with my husband any easier.

We've just spent a few days setting up a second home so that we can comfortably work in two cities simultaneously. My husband has difficulty hanging onto tools (that is, he buys them, uses them, loses them, and buys more of the same - not necessarily in that order). He buys tape measures in two's and three's, and there is never one in the house or in the shop or in the garage. He tends to put them all in one toolbox and then misplace the toolbox. The hammers (two or three or six of them) are likely to be in a truck because he needed one to fix a fence last summer. Before I gave up my own home to live with this man, I had a nicely-equipped little toolbox which I kept it in one place, and whenever I needed a tool, I went to the toolbox and got it. When I used a tool I put it back in the toolbox and put the toolbox back in its place. My ability to access tools at will ended after I once offered my husband the use of one of my tools. Despite several requests on my part, I never did get the tool back, and thereafter, tools disappeared one by one until my toolbox was an empty reminder of what a toolbox should be. I digress.

I had a pair of window shades and a bathroom mirror to hang. I knew enough to not attempt these projects while my husband was in the house, because he is unable to recognize when I am busy and 'needs' my help about every ninety seconds. As long as he's within phone range, I pretty much put my life on hold and stand in readiness to run and fetch whatever it is he thinks he needs at the moment. He had a plumbing job planned, so he and his son went shopping for the necessary parts. I had equipped a new toolbox with just the basics - a ratcheting screwdriver with changeable bits, a small hammer, and pliers, needle-nose and regular - and had acquired a rechargeable

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5
• Next Page >>