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Today President Bush declared the United States of America not only the center of the planet, but the center of the Universe. In celebration he has labeled today as bring your gun to work day! Finally we can get back at all those communist bastards sneaking into our workplaces.
The President is always full of surprises but I think that finally achieving status as the center of the universe is something we have all just been dying for!
In other news, Paris Hilton was reported missing,and when we asked her father about his daughters disappearance, his only response was,"Who?"
We will cover this story for weeks to come until we find some other cracked out bimbo who is hopefully nearly as entertaining, but until then we are deeply sorry.
The world was somewhat in confusion at the reporting of the United States of America as being recognized the absolute center of the Universe, but what else would you expect besides envy? Isn't that the only reason every other country in the world hates us?
Otherwise it was a slightly bland day as a Bangladeshi cyclone kills only around 1,723 people.
Back to you Tom, this has been just another wonderful day in the absolutely Wonderful! United States of America!
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by Kstone
Here is your daily news from around the world.
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by Mj Ferruzza
1. Barry Bonds said he would do anything to prove his innocence. When asked this could include the truth serum sodium pentothal
Thieves made off with a newspaper box in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Employees at Johnson's Market, located in Vanleer
Today President Bush declared the United States of America not only the center of the planet, but the center of the Universe.
Today in the news this eleventh month, seventeenth day of 2007,.............. ......
From the "Chicago Sun-Times": Burlington
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Humor: Daily news (11/17/07)
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