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A roomful of people are waiting patiently for the familiar first notes of the Wedding March. You, the maid of honor, are dutifully helping the bride with the final touches of her ensemble. As the bridesmaids and mothers file out of the dressing room to find their places, the bride unloads on youshe is just not sure that she can do this. What on earth are you to do?

The best thing you can do for your friend in her time of need is listen. Don't automatically assume that what she's complaining about is really "just cold feet." I've heard too many stories of people who wish they hadn't let themselves get talked into walking down the aisle, even when every inch of their body was screaming "NO!" It is not your job to make sure the wedding happens. After all, deposits can be refunded and gifts can be returned, but the pain of an incompatible union lasts a lifetime. Remember that your loyalties lie with the bride. Your job is to look out for her best interest.

If her complaints are those of fear or nervousness about the wedding (rather than about her future groom), help her to relax. Practice slow, deep breathing with her for at least 2 minutes to calm her down and clear her mind for more rational thinking. Have her close her eyes while you softly whisper all the reasons why she has chosen to marry this special man. Remind her of the memories she's already built with him and what they have to look forward to in the future.

That being said, if her objections are more about him and the way he behaves or treats her, help her take a step back to really evaluate the situation. Look at the bigger picture. Is he behaving this way because he's just as stressed about the wedding as she is, or is there a pattern in his behavior that she's only begun to notice? Did these worries just appear as the wedding has drawn nearer, or have her uncertainties about him been brewing for quite a while? Give him the benefit of the doubt if this is a recent change in behavior, as cold feet may have gotten to him as well. However, if under scrutiny you can see a pattern in his misconduct, don't hesitate to take out the trash. A girl should always go with her instincts; if her heart, mind, and gut tell her to head for the hills, then it's your job to drive the getaway car.

Whatever the outcome may be, your mission as maid of honor is to support the bride in whatever she may need. Listening will be the only way to find out if her cold feet are just nerves or justified concerns. So open your ears and open your heart; that's all a bride can ask for from her special pal.

Learn more about this author, Ms. Geisel.
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