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Q. I always get rejected. What the hell is wrong? Well I don't have confidence, I have very low-self esteem, but nobody really knows this, as I fake confidence. Everyone tells me I should be a comedian blahlahba.. Girls always laff at my jokes. I flirt a lot, but whenever I ask a girl to catch a movie or something I get rejected... why is that?. I don't think I show any signs of insecurity or nor am I ugly.

A. You almost answered your own question already when you said you had low confidence then try to fake it. If you have low self-esteem and don't like yourself very much, how can someone like what you reject? That is not possible. So until you begin to love yourself, stop trying so hard to impress, stop being a comedian and take yourself more seriously, you will keep getting rejected because people would continue to feel uncomfortable around you.

We shine best when we love ourselves, first and foremost, and enjoy being ourselves. You cannot please everyone, but by being yourself, those who like you as you are will gravitate towards you while those who don't will leave you alone. In that way, you will have friends who nurture, value and support you and your confidence in yourself will grow.

You have to stop focusing on what you THINK is wrong with you, and start the focus on your good points, your strengths and your likes. Remind yourself too, that up to 25% of babies do not make it past the first year of life and you have been blessed with a life which you cannot take for granted so you have a lot to celebrate by just being alive! You ARE showing signs of insecurity by your behaviour otherwise you wouldn't be flirting a lot. Not many girls like flirts. They are interested in people who treat them with respect. It seems they don't feel able to take you seriously.

Nobody is all bad or all good, so start appreciating yourself now, start selecting your friends instead of acting desperate for friendship, start valuing you much more and people will begin to value you too. People cannot value what you are ashamed of so, if you want to stop the rejections, start to love yourself, be proud of yourself and your potential and stop being the flirt.

Learn more about this author, Elaine Sihera.
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