by Jessica Kaaz

Created on: November 13, 2007

I must admit, I am no stranger to the occasional urge to snoop through my husband's wallet or email looking for something to indicate that he is no longer interested in me. In ten years, I have never come across anything to indicate that he is flirting with some young secretary at work, much less slinking off to the nearest rent-by-the-hour motel with someone other than me. In fact, the only thing I have ever figured out while I was taking a quick peek at his email was that I am the one with the problem.

Before my husband and I were married, I was in other relationships, as was he. His experiences with the other sex were, however, much less traumatic than my experiences were. He was never cheated on and lied to and betrayed like I was. His parents have been happily married for 30 years. My mother has been married 3 times. He has an optimistic disposition and I, of course, am much more pessimistic. When it comes to romance, we are classic opposites and that's what we love about each other.

It took quite a bit of introspective work and a heap of patience from my husband for me to get past my jealousy. Despite the urge to call a very expensive professional or join a support group, my husband and I proudly worked through our trust issues and have happily landed at a wonderful place where he and I are both secure enough in our marriage that time together is vacation-like and the evening hours are our favorite time of the day. How did we do it? Read on...

Assuming that neither partner is actually cheating or rudely drooling over the opposite sex in the presence of one another, trust issues are relatively easy to figure out. Jealousy stems from fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, prior transgressions from current or past partners, low self-esteem, or even a lack of a meaningful existence (meaning you have too much time on your hands). Any of these issues can be fixed with just a little bit of determination.

First, like any other personal issue, admit you have a problem. Admit it to yourself, admit it to your partner and acknowledge that you want to deal with this problem. Now, roll up your sleeves and get ready to find a better you and a better marriage. There are many tools you can use to accomplish this. The first tool is what we call "affirmations."

Affirmations are, very simply, positive statements you say to yourself, either quietly or aloud, that remind you on a daily basis that your are a good person who deserves good things and is capable of all sorts of

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