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There will always be stars and admirers, people wanting their 15 minutes of fame because what matters to every single one of us is to be ACCEPTED, to be SIGNIFICANT and to be VALUED. When those three things are missing, there is a deviant person in the making; one who will be plagued by low confidence and, even worse, low self-esteem and the feeling of not being appreciated, being invisible and excluded. Hence the constant craving to be accepted.

Lack of confidence and a craving for recognition does not come overnight. It gradually evolves through the following eight factors, which are listed in order of the magnitude of their effect:

1. Negative life experiences. From school to home these keep you feeling frustrated and impotent, developing and polishing your feelings of inferiority and hopelessness to perfection. A lifetime of hearing "You're no good. You can't do anything properly. You're just like your dad. You're so ugly, you can't be related to me. You're useless. You're stupid. You're not as good as your brother/sister", without any corresponding praise, would have done nothing for your morale and sense of worth.

2. Too much pressure. This usually comes from parents and/or peers to meet their demands and expectations, the ones they didn't achieve themselves, that they now wish to live through you, regardless of what you want. This deprives you of the opportunity to develop your own goals, identity, independence and autonomy.

3. Loss of a key family member or close friend. This could include your parents' break-up or even death; moving away from home for the first time and breaking up with a friend/lover. Often we do not allow ourselves time to grieve, or we blame ourselves for the event, and the consequences soon reveal themselves in other distressing ways.

4. Fear of failure. You internalise and interpret any negative result to mean that you are a useless' person instead of seeing yourself as a perfectly capable individual who had an off-day and can always attempt that task again, like attending another interview or learning a new skill. When your job becomes redundant you equate yourself with the uselessness of the position and see yourself as the one being rejected. Suddenly you perceive yourself as a worthless person who will never get another job again a perception which dictates how you deal with the loss and the actual outcome.

5. Judging or criticising yourself and abilities too harshly. In your search for perfection, you never allow room for error

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