by Elaine Sihera

Created on: November 12, 2007

"Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life." Dr. David M Burns

The futile belief that perfection is achievable affects the lives of millions of people, particularly those who lack self-esteem. Some are so obsessed with achieving perfection, it affects their health and emotional well-being. Such perfectionists' seek the perfect looks, the perfect mate, the perfect job and the perfect body. Naturally, as no such perfection exists, their search is bound to be a fruitless one which will only make them unhappy. However, even the most mundane task can become an ordeal since everything must be done to exacting standards with which only they would agree.

People in search of perfection experience disappointment and dissatisfaction more regularly than others because they are often unable to enjoy the simple pleasures of life unless they are ideal. Should they fall short of their perfect goal, they regard their effort as a failure, regardless of what they achieved to reach that position. These individuals spend an inordinate amount of time trying to avoid making mistakes, criticising their colleagues' efforts and never really making the progress, or fulfilling the potential, of which they are capable. The time, the place, the money, or the ideas are never quite right, so nothing much is ever done in the end.

Yet perfection is such a limiting aspiration. The concept of perfection is also relative. It has no meaning in itself. It only assumes meaning when we ask the question "Perfect for what?" Perfect weather for sunbathing is not the same as perfect weather for skiing. And the perfect place for having dinner is not the same as the perfect place for sleeping. There is also nothing beyond perfection except a void of inactivity and stagnation. Yet, what kills many relationships is the desire to achieve that ideal state by one or both of the parties involved. Perfectionists are driven by some unseen, internal standard of performance. Often such people find it difficult to take on projects because they will spend so much time and energy carrying out the task and making it perfect' (not even the tiniest flaw must be seen), they become overwhelmed. Often they cannot complete the task at all, or they take so long that it no longer matters.

Perfectionists live in a narrowly defined world in which they feel empowered. In this world, which usually excludes or derogates the efforts of others, they believe it is more possible to be perfect. The fewer activities they engage in, the greater the possibility of achieving their perfect goal. They become frustrated with themselves sometimes, often refusing to even cook or eat food because they cannot prepare it to perfection. Time is often their enemy as perfection needs time for polishing and is seldom achieved on schedule. Thus the hallmark of perfectionists is a longing to achieve a lot, in line with their potential and talent, while managing to achieve very little.

Learn more about this author, Elaine Sihera.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.