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THE GREAT TABOO

I know I was late but at least I got to the departure platform before the ship had finished preparing for ultra-morph to the Draconian system. My underlings, already aboard, had been kept waiting a little while but so what? As I was breezing through the now empty departure lounge heading for the forward ramp a robo-bouncer had the audacity to stop me. It actually began asking impertinent questions!

"May I scan your boarding authorization?"
I hadn't inserted the implant, I had forgotten: Well how was a genius such as I expected to deal with the mundane? This was ridiculous and being who I am I felt obliged to give ridiculous answers.
"What is your current status designation?" it was haughtily insisting.
"Pickled Dolphin in Dill Marinade," I replied.
"On whose authority do you request entry?"
"Sauted Parsnip on a Mattress of Sun-Dried Black Orchids."
It was difficult to piss off a robo but it had been known.
"Access denied."
This was absurd! I expected my footwear to be declared unsuitable at any moment.
"Ok, when the Commander finds out I'm not aboard his ship and has to return for me, you will be for the long jump. You realize you're expendable don't you? Well I'm not," I said as I poked my finger menacingly at its chest speaker.
"What is your current status designation?" it repeated.
"I'm the bloody chef!" I yelled into what passed for a face. It flicked out for a split second to browse the passenger list.
"Chef is already aboard. Clear the area."
"No, wait, I'm on the guest list, check again. I am Franklieu Diablo and my presence has been personally requested by the Commander."
A junior officer suddenly appeared on the gantry and proceeded to question the robo before so much as even acknowledging me. I couldn't believe it! Robo-blockhead said, "Humanoid attempting to gain illegal entry..."
"He's lying." I protested, stamping my foot until the officer turned toward me. Behind the man's back I swear I saw the flicker of a robo-smirk.
"...seemingly on the grounds of assumed biological superiority," it added.
Eventually an underling positively identified me and they let me in.

If God exists He is the Chef Supreme.
The mission went very well. We morphed into low orbit around Draco 17 and after a few passes to assess any possible hostility we set about trawling the largest, most densely covered landmass on the planet.

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